Ep.71/ How to Craft an Amazing Speech or Presentation with Communications Coach Barbara Barna Abel
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Barbara Barna Abel is a multimedia communications coach, creative advisor, talent and executive development expert and will teach you how to craft an incredible presentation or speech, how to weave personal stories into a speech and how to express yourself authentically. Plus, she shares her story of building her own communications business.
Barbara’s credits include Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, What Not to Wear, the RuPaul Show, and is the author of How to Get Your Foot In the Door: Television Hosting and Presenting.
Then, coach Melissa Llarena has tips for getting over imposter syndrome if you have a podcast. She just published the book Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom's Superpower for Maximum Impact; she is a coach, and podcast host of Unimaginable Wellness.
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1. Take a screenshot and share it to your IG stories. Tag me @kimrittberg
2. Leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts!
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Do you want to put yourself out there more for your business but fear is stopping you?
Well, Barbara Barna Abel will teach you how to craft an incredible presentation or speech and how to truly express yourself authentically. Plus, she shares her story of building her own communications business.
Barbara is a multimedia communications coach, creative advisor, talent and executive development expert, and the host of the award-winning global Top 10% podcast Camera Ready and Abel. She knows that a zombie apocalypse is scary, but speaking on camera does not have to be. Her mission is to help you tap into your superpowers to thrive on camera and in life to make an impact on the world. Her credits include Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, What Not to Wear, the RuPaul Show, and Page Six TV. She's also the author of How to Get Your Foot In the Door: Television Hosting and Presenting and she's working on her second book, The Camera Ready Checklist, an Easy Five-Step Process for Success for Anyone Communicating Through a Camera Lens.
In this episode you will learn:
How to craft an incredible presentation for your business
Tips for Building Confidence on Camera
The importance of setting goals for your presentations
Quotes from our guest:
“Your information is typically not going to shift, your core messages and what you stand for and who you are and what you believe in does not change, but your audiences do. You adapt how you deliver your message based on the audience.”
On how to weave personal stories into a speech: “ The question I always ask is, does it add value? Is it universal?”
“Everyone has the potential to be a leader.”
“There is no motivation without motive.”
Follow host Kim Rittberg on Instagram
Subscribe to Kim's YouTube Channel to Make Better Videos that Convert
FREE DOWNLOAD: 10 Tips to Take Your Videos from Mediocre to Magnetic to Grow Your Revenue click here
Follow host Kim Rittberg on Instagram & Subscribe to Kim's YouTube Channel to Make Better Videos that Convert
GUEST LINKS:
Barbara’s Instagram
Debbi’s Linkedin
Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom’s Superpower for Maximum Impact
Kim (00:02):
Today, multimedia communications coach Barbara Barna Abel will teach you how to craft an incredible presentation or speech and how to truly express yourself authentically. Plus, she shares her story of building her own communications business.
(00:17):
Welcome to the Exit interview with Kim Rittberg. Do you work for yourself and want to supercharge your business while still having fun? Well, this is your go-to podcast, part MBA Part Cheer Squad. Every week I'll be joined by top business owners who share the secrets to their success. After I found myself working during childbirth true story, I quit my executive media job to bet on myself fighting the fear and imposter syndrome to eventually earn six awards, an in-demand speaking career and features in Fast Company and Business Insider. Now, I'm here to celebrate all you rock stars betting on yourself, and I want to help you win. If you're self-employed, you're a founder, entrepreneur, coach, real estate agent, consultant or solo practitioner, and you want to learn about business development, revenue growth, marketing strategy, productivity, publicity, sales, social media, content creation, confidence and work-life balance, it's achievable. I promise this podcast is for you. Tune in every Wednesday to hear from remarkable founders and don't miss our solo Friday episodes, A treasure trove of video and podcasting. Mini masterclasses with me. Exit the grind, enter success on your own terms. Don't forget to subscribe today and grab my free video tips at my website, kimrittberg.com.
(01:39):
Today we're talking a lot about how to deliver a great keynote or a great presentation, and I've been doing a lot of speeches over the past 12 months, but before that I had not been. I'd definitely been very, very rusty. And there's two things that I've been thinking about that I wanted to talk about with you and share with you on the show. One thing is that even if you are out of practice on something, a, there's always a way to prep to make yourself feel comfortable. But B, I prep a lot of people to be confident on camera and having those communication skills and thinking about delivery. So both coming up with an awesome message, a punchy script, a way to grab people, but also how you deliver the message. It really helps when you're push yourself out of your comfort zone in either one of the ways, meaning because I have the podcast and because I do a lot of social video, I definitely wasn't as rusty as I would have been say two years ago, and that's something that I love about doing the podcast is I get to speak with amazing people and teach people and educate them.
(02:36):
There's also kind of a way to keep your communication skills sharp because I'm now very practiced and comfortable with talking to an inanimate object. That's the discomfort that I see through from a lot of my clients and a lot of my students we're talking to an inanimate object, and that can be weird, that can be uncomfortable. And so I've just been thinking about how it was easier for me to go from not doing a lot of speeches, not really doing keynotes, and then suddenly I'm on these huge stages with hundreds of people. I would like to flag that I was very, very nervous. My first two big speeches, and I'm very open with my children about this. I'm like, mommy thought she was going to throw up, but she didn't. She breathed deeply. She was so prepared and she just went on. But it does remind me that as you show up on camera more, if you are a guest on podcasts, if you show up on social media consistently using your voice, practicing your messaging, just putting yourself out there, everything else becomes easier because you, you're out of your shell.
(03:34):
You've broken that first barrier of just being out there and putting yourself out there. So that's something that I was just thinking about because today's topic is all about communication. And before I forget, don't forget to please drop a rating and review. If you like the show, I'm so appreciative. It helps other people learn about the show and spread the word. If you like the show, I like you back. Tell a friend, I met our guest, Barbara Barna Abel years ago, maybe 10, maybe 15 years ago in New York City where we both live. I at that point was a TV news producer, but I was interested in being on camera. So I had already been writing, interviewing, directing, all of that, but I was interested in going on camera more, so I worked with her back then. I did end up doing some on-camera reporting many, many, many years ago.
(04:17):
And every once in a while I would do some on-camera work, but I really loved being behind the scenes and eventually being the boss. So I was coached by her back then. And in the past year I've been doing a lot of speeches, workshops, keynotes. It's been so fun, so incredible about fighting fear, about being comfortable on camera, about growing your business with video and podcasts. And as a part of that, I absolutely want to work with a coach in the same way that my clients lean on me to help them to be more confident on camera, to come up with a great marketing strategy, and then to execute that I too have a coach. I love working with Barbara. It's been really fruitful. My speeches have been fantastic. I've been brought in to many more, so they must be going well. If you are getting ready to do a presentation or a speech, make sure to listen to this episode.
(05:03):
I am really excited to have Barbara here with me today. Barbara Barna Abel is a multimedia communications coach, creative advisor, talent and executive development expert, and the host of the award-winning global Top 10% podcast camera Ready enable exploring the intersections of media change and personal growth. She knows that a zombie apocalypse is scary, but speaking on camera does not have to vape. Her mission is to help you tap into your superpowers to thrive on camera and in life to make an impact on the world. Her clients include global corporations, TV networks, founders, C-suite executives, entrepreneurs, innovators, celebrities, authors, and young creatives. She started her career in the music business before shifting to television, and she continues to develop and cast shows across platforms. Her credits include Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, what Not to Wear, the RuPaul Show, and Page six tv. Barbara has a well-respected eye for talent and has discovered or gave early breaks to Adam Richmond, Amy Schumer, Carson Kressley, Chrissy, Tegan, Clayton Kelly, Jake Tapper, Jeff Propt, Sarah Haynes, Ted Allen, and Wayne Brady. She's also the author of How to Get Your Foot In the Door, television Hosting and Presenting a Step-by-Step Guide into Breaking Into Television Hosting. And she's working on her second book, the Camera Ready Checklist, an Easy Five-Step Process for Success for Anyone Communicating Through a Camera Lens. Barbara, I'm so excited to have you here.
Barbara (06:14):
I am thrilled to be here. Thank you for having me.
Kim (06:18):
So I want to jump right in to know you were in music, you were in tv. What was the big shift to say, I want to work for myself, I want to do this on my own?
Barbara (06:26):
So many shifts in my life, it wasn't necessarily my first thought. So I was working at VH one, I was there for 11 years running the talent development department, and there was just a management shift completely from top to bottom. So they kind of nudged me out the door, but at the same time, I also had two small children and I think my daughter was three or four, and my son was baby, just one because I know you also speak to a lot of working moms. A lot had to do with the stresses of my life and balancing going to my job and wanting and to be the mom I wanted to be. And I discovered that running my own business gave me hours more per day with my kids. I worked more and longer, but I worked my schedule so a little bit at weekends and this and that at night, but I had quality of life that I wasn't going to have if I was in Manhattan every day.
Kim (07:20):
So you found that once you were working for yourself, you actually ended up working more. Is that consistent over time?
Barbara (07:26):
Yes, I think that is for many solopreneurs to be true, but on the other hand, it was also great because I could go on field trips. There's so many things they could do, and I remember, I don't know if anybody complains about this anymore being attached to devices, but it was controversial in the beginning. But to me, what started with my Blackberry and then became my iPhone was the greatest thing that ever happened because then I could be working at a hockey game on a soccer field, at play, rehearsal, whatever that was in line, waiting for teacher conferences, whatever it was. It gave me a flexibility that I wouldn't have if I was changing my desk. That was actually really fantastic.
Kim (08:05):
What was the scariest part of deciding to go on your own?
Barbara (08:08):
I actually had to pause and think about that because there was just tremendous momentum around it and I was really working on instinct mean. Now I would've done things a little bit differently if I knew then what I know now, but I didn't have a business card, I didn't have anything. I just started propelled forward and I kind of hung my shingle and the phone started ringing, and back then it was about phones ringing. It was that long ago. I mean it literally did. And I was off to the races and I didn't stop for three or four years. I also had the benefit, this isn't going to happen to most people. I was the only person in New York doing what I was doing, and I had two counterparts in la. Timing was incredible. It was really on my side.
Kim (08:49):
How long have you been doing it? How long have you been running your own company?
Barbara (08:52):
I have been running my own company for 22 years.
Kim (08:55):
Wow, that's pretty amazing. So talk to me about the, I was laughing at, I know Barbara's worked with a lot of celebrities. What would you say are the similarities between working in the past with celebrities and working with I'd say regular people or running your own business? Being a working mom,
Barbara (09:13):
One of the things you learn is that everybody's vulnerable. And that's one of the reasons I actually working with celebrities, whether or working with executives, anybody that comes through my door. One is something that everybody has in common for me is the desire to make an impact in the world. I tend to attract those people and wanting to make an impact is really important to me. And it's also to say that that doesn't have to be something that feels so monumental. If I'm never going to win a Nobel Prize, I don't count. I mean to me, teachers are incredibly impactful, caregivers are incredibly impactful. So it's just understanding how we impact others every day. Being a really great realtor in making someone's experience through something so emotional, better, that's deeply impactful. Being a nice person at the D M V would be amazingly impactful for many, many, many people.
(10:01):
So that's one through line, absolutely. The other is that so many vulnerabilities are universal. Doesn't matter how famous you are, if you're transitioning in a skill or trying something new, that could be really, really scary. And so when we think about transitions from legacy media to unquote new media or digital or having to transition into doing social platforms, this caused enormous anxiety for people who were like brand name talent because they still did jump in and do something different. They had to interact differently with the technology audiences were shifting. So that's pretty universal. And then I also a joke, and I think I've mentioned this to you before, it's starting in the music business and I started in the 1980s, so it was still a really crazy time in music and not only work in music, but then also with film stars working in talent agency. I discovered by the time I had kids that celebrities had prepared me for toddlerhood and if I wish, then I had understood to turn to people going, are you tired? Is your blood sugar low? Do you need a snack? Because that's really, you start to learn with kids, that's your immediate check. Oh, that's why they're so cranky and difficult. They're hungry. And by the way, that became codified later when we started talking about people being hangry. I was like, I get it. I totally get it.
Kim (11:16):
It's so funny. I stopped managing a team when my daughter was like too, and so I think about, it's like I'm not sure if I would've been so great at managing a team once I had kids because I feel like all of your support and mentorship is like, I loved mentoring people when I had a team, but now that I have kids, I'm kind of like, I love coaching their soccer team and I don't know that I could mentor 10 humans or 20 humans at a time. And also my children, I don't know, I'm not sure, but I started working for myself basically when my son was two, when my daughter was two. So we'll see. Okay. Barbara, you are such an expert in your field. I'm really, really excited for our listeners to learn from you. So I would love your advice to prepare for a keynote or a big presentation. What's the framework or the advice you give people?
Barbara (12:01):
I always begin with a couple of things. Well, one, and this really dovetails into the work that you do creating video, Kim, is it's like your speech, your keynote, your TED talk. It's one idea, one not seven ideas. It's not everything you've ever thought. It's one idea. So you start with what's my big idea is that step one, step number two is what's your ending? What's the destination of your conversation? What's the takeaway? What does this lead me to? So you start with the beginning. Step number two is the ending, and then it starts to write itself because then it becomes how do we get from point A to point B? Then typically a framework around that is just going around the law of three is start with a framework of what are the three key points I want to make. Once you get good at that, you could have five points if you wanted to, but it's really understanding how much information a human can process and what we're going to hear.
(12:56):
And then also understanding the power of repetition, which I think you and I have spoken to about before, but it really begins with understanding what's my big idea, what's going to be the takeaway for the audience? What do I want them to know and feel from this? And then also asking yourself, is there going to be a call to action? So let's start there. The other thing I always remind people is to do something very simple. It's called mind the gap and the gap is goal audience platform. And so understand what your goal is and your goals are going to shift because sometimes when you're speaking, your goal is to sell books. Sometimes your goal when you're speaking is to raise brand awareness. Sometimes your goal is to drive people to show up to an event or to buy into some big idea as a politician, let's say, or an activist.
(13:40):
So you understand you're really clear on what your goal is, and then you ask yourself, well, who's the audience I'm speaking to and what is the platform I'm using to speak to them? Because that could be as we're talking today on a podcast and also via a digital platform. It can be via phone call, it could be on stage, it can be one-on-one when you think about it, the same thing applies actually in a job interview. So it's like how am I delivering this and who am I talking to? Because your information is typically not going to shift your core messages and what you stand for and who you are and what you believe in does not change, but your audiences do. You adapt how you deliver your message based on the audience. Sometimes a really good example to be is like if you're going to go out and talk about what you do to a group of teenagers or school kids versus a group of your peers, your language, your cadence, even the way you dress is going to change.
(14:31):
And we see that with politicians all the time. Certain situations, they'll be wearing suits and ties or sport coats, and then there's always the shots of wearing rolled up sleeves and some fleece doing our thing at the Iowa State Fair. And so we adapt to our audiences and our platforms. And what that means on a practical level for people is, for instance, in the digital and how we're speaking today, it's very intimate. And so we're on camera, we're even closer, the cameras are close, we lean in. It tends to be extremely conversational when you're on legacy television, which means linear like a broadcast, the camera's much farther away and the distance between you and the audience is further when you think about is somebody going to be watching this on television or are they going to be watching it on a small screen like a handheld, and how close is their face going to be to that screen? So you take in all those things. That gets into what's how we connect with the platform. I love
Kim (15:28):
The gap goal audience platform. I think it's so applicable a in public speaking because it really sets you as like if you're giving a speech to these five people in this room versus that thousand people in that room or on camera really working backwards, I love the idea of working backwards sometimes it also could feel overwhelming. It's also could feel overwhelming. You look at your blank sheet of paper or your Google slide and it's empty and you're like, I don't even know where to start. I feel that a lot of people feel that, where do I even begin? So I love that framework of, well, where do you want to go? And then goal audience platform, how are you getting there? And the framework of there's one overall thing is also helpful and breaking it down into three because it becomes more manageable than, what's all the information I'm going to give to these people? It's too much
Barbara (16:17):
A thousand percent. And to your point, it actually also helps you to stop and check in with yourself and go, am I delivering on my promise? Because here's my big idea, here's my thesis statement. And that may not come until the end of paragraph two because you may start with a story or some device that we use to connect with our audiences, but we introduce what that big idea is and we want to refer back to it. But as you're creating your content, you're always asking yourself, am I delivering on that? Because that's what your promise is at the end. That's why you have to get there. And if it's that's not working through your development process, then you're like, okay, you know what? I'm going to shift this. Maybe I haven't worded my big idea correctly, or maybe my big idea isn't really what this is actually all about.
(16:59):
And then on a structural level, I'm super lo-fi, and so I just created a word template that I use that I create so that it literally has sections where it's like big idea goes here, personal anecdote, and then it literally has ending. And so you just start kind of plugging in this information. So to your point, so that even that blank page has some cells or sections in it. So even then it doesn't begin out as completely blank. It has a couple of words and some direction and prompts. So you're like, okay, I have somewhere to start.
Kim (17:31):
I have a question about the big idea. How do you not psych yourself out when thinking, is this a big idea? Sometimes it can feel like how incredibly earth shattering is this? Or is it more like you're teaching somebody about this thing? It's new to them. It's something that
Barbara (17:48):
Beautifully. So I appreciate that because I got hung up. Even funny little side anecdote when I was becoming certified as a coach and I got hung up on the term word game changer, they tossed us. It's pretty coachy to get around and you're a game changer. And I was like, we're not game changers. I mean Steve Jobs was a game changer. I'm not a game changer. It literally stopped the training and we spent two hours walking me through how everybody's a game changer. It goes back to my thing about how people, anyone can be a person of impact. Everyone has the potential to be a leader. So we bring it back down to very human scale. And I was like, oh, I see. I could change the game for a client. Got it, thank you. Very humbling and really, really important lesson. So it is a reminder that your big idea, it's the big idea to you.
(18:39):
It doesn't have to be earth shattering. And by the way, I'm a card carrying believer in simple is really good, simple and direct. We don't have to make things fancy and confusing. That's not really helpful. But also there are people who need to hear it from you and often we're surprised or this has happened to me honestly where I think if I've thought it, I assume everybody else knows it already and it's through life. I've learned like, oh my gosh. It's also to my thing about tapping into your superpowers and understanding what's the value that you bring because you may connect dots or see the world or have a perspective on something that everybody is already talking about, but you add a little something that no one else has tapped into, you're like, that's fantastic. I think you do that with your work cam in helping people to create video and to communicate better and the things that you do on stage.
(19:22):
I mean, I feel the same way about what I do as a communications coach. It's like there are certain laws of communication, but you are communicating it to an audience that needs to hear it from you and you're saying it in a way that they haven't heard it before and suddenly they're going, oh my God, I get it and you're allowing me to get over my fear and go do this thing and grow my business and have an impact. And that's wonderful. You're tapping in your superpowers and you're delivering value and you're honoring your calling. It's great.
Kim (19:47):
And I think that's something that I see with a lot of my video clients and my strategy clients is really adjusting their mindset and mine when I started speaking publicly to saying, I am helping people who are interested in what I'm teaching. So it's saying actually the people I'm talking to probably don't know these things. I'm not teaching my peers. This is not a conference where you're teaching your peers or this is not a video for the person sitting next to you. It's for the people who want to learn from you or work with you. And so I think it's an adjustment of saying this is new to some people, this is interesting to the people and those people are your ideal clients. And I think that that's helpful. And now I have a question about what's your advice for weaving in personal stories into speeches? I know that a lot of people, we see it, other people do it. Is there a trick or a rule or guidance on how to weave in personal stories?
Barbara (20:34):
I never like the word trick, by the way, just to me because it implies de seat
Kim (20:39):
Hack tips, guidance advice, counsel,
Barbara (20:42):
I know where you're coming from. The question I always ask is, does it add value? Is it universal? A big thing that we also discover too is sometimes it's not helpful when we're going through it necessarily. Where our stories become helpful is when we're on the other side and we can look back and we have perspective and we can articulate what we learned from it. So our stories are our own, but the question really is one, is it relevant to what we're doing? Is it relevant in this conversation to this speech or talk or whatever you're delivering. So that's one. Or is it just like some random rabbit hole or segue two? What do you have to say about it? But it's really about the universality. And so I meant, so if your story about that first time you get up or the first time you make a video and how scared you were, that's pretty universal.
(21:31):
That was your own experience. But experiencing fear is universal the first time that we have a big win or to me it felt so relatable. You talk about the story about being in the hospital after giving birth to your son or your daughter and checking your messages or emails. I was like, okay, that's like working mom universal. And so that's where we understand what is the value of our personal stories. And again, it goes back to first thing, it was like, what's the point and what's the takeaway from this? If you're just sharing to have a confessional, we're not here for group therapy and that has its own place in life, but you know what I mean. If you're just sharing to share, it's important that you have perspective on what you're sharing and understanding, providing the value to others.
Kim (22:19):
I love that. And by the way, I have worked with Barbara for my speeches. She is my secret weapon, not so secret because I just said it out loud, but Barbara is amazing. She has helped me go from blank Google slide to full Google slide and with confidence and crushing it as you can see on instagram.com/kim Pittsburgh with all my videos from my speeches, but
Barbara (22:40):
You inspire me daily.
Kim (22:42):
Oh, thank you. That's so sweet of you to say. One of the things I talk about and people talk about in general is authenticity and relatability and how that's really a huge part of it. And I think it took me a while to shift out of like I was buttoned up media executive and you should work with me because I know all of this stuff. But I think really my career has, my self-employment solopreneur business owner career has been supercharged by being more of real Kim. And what does that mean for me personally, that means the Kim that used to do improv comedy in her twenties and is actually loose, that is the Kim that is very knowledgeable but is not that buttoned up and is real. And I think it's taken me a while, but it takes all of us a while to sort of pull out the parts of us that are inherent to us and showcase that in ways that let other people know us better. What do you advise people about how to do that authenticity is so important. I think it's really, really important for video, for public speaking, for presentations. How do you advise people to tap into the authentic part of themselves and help them I guess be more relatable?
Barbara (23:45):
I love this question. So I'm a list maker. This was the coaching side, comes in to the media coaching is to actually identify what those attributes are. How do you define what is authentic about you and who you are? Because one, your subconscious drives everything that you do. That's just a fact. And so if you don't tell your brain where it needs to go, it's very hard to go there. And so even though you may have the conscious desire to show up in one way, your subconscious and those messages are going to override it, which may mean I want to go out and be loose and funny, but if you haven't prepared for this and really thought it through and identified what that means, the old corporate side that's going to be like, don't do that, can't say that is actually going to show up and shut you down.
(24:27):
So one, you have to identify that there's actually a tool I have and it's on my website or somebody can email me. That is a really great assessment into tapping into what are your strengths and superpowers in a way that it's identifies what the world values about you. So you can go do more of that instead of trying to be someone that you are not. And that's where another big one of my messages is trying not to get stuck in the shoulds because that shows up so much in our spaces. I should do this, I should be this, I should show up at this way. And that's where we get stuck, not emotionally helpful, but that is kind of the essence of inauthenticity is I'm trying to be somebody that I'm not because I have all these messages and I believe I should be this other person.
(25:08):
So one, to tap into your authenticity, you need to identify what that is. Then going back to what I harp on all the time, is your value and the value to the audience mind the gap because there they're aspects of our authentic selves that are wonderful and contribute depending on what the setting is and who we're talking to. And there are other times where that might be irrelevant or actually undermine what we're doing. So part of my personality, I have a natural playfulness, so depending on who I'm talking to, that's really, really helpful and it gets sprinkled in by the way, it's not necessarily what I'm leading with, but if I'm working with kids, I'm going to amp up. So I kind of think about it as a recipe and it's like we're going to put more playfulness into the recipe today, but if I'm going into do, I don't even know.
(25:53):
I don't, when I do corporate stuff or work with professional organizations, I tend to work much more in the creative space and I work with startups and a little bit more innovative companies that are around risk and are not necessarily working in traditional spaces. So there's a lot more latitude. If you want to go to the button up trainer, you could call somebody else, but I think you understand what I'm getting at is you understand I can cry at the drop of a hat at certain commercials or certain kinds of movies. That side of me really does not need to show up during your training. That's not helpful. So that's main understanding is understanding who am I authentically, what matters to me? What do I stand for, what do I believe in? And then understanding what's the value in the setting. Again, this comes up a lot. Nobody needs to know that I got in an argument with one of my kids that authentically happened, but it's really not helpful in the situation. I could talk about it later sometime if I'm trying to be relatable to say that yes, I share these human experiences with you, but I have to be really mindful. Is it helpful to the people I'm trying to reach? It's not about me. It's about the work that I do to serve my clients and my audience.
Kim (26:59):
And I'd love to shift gears into advice for being on camera. I don't know if that's always the same. It's not always the same. I know it's not always the same. What are your tips for someone who's trying to be confident on camera?
Barbara (27:11):
I think that we share a lot of these similar tips, Kim, because the first thing is, again, know what your goals are and they don't have to be lofty, but it's just, well, here's one. It's like I want to become good on camera. You have to define actually what that means. How will, when you're good, what does that look like to you? Where do you want to end up? And then also understand this, okay, that's a journey and a process. And one of the ways to define that to be helpful, it's like you may look at people on tv, is like, I want to communicate with the ease and confidence of Gail King, who I just think is fantastic, right? It's like I'd love to just be as and as versatile as Gail that I could talk to foreign leaders and heads of state and then be dancing with Corey Booker at Bruce Springsteen in New Jersey.
(27:54):
It's like to me just sounds fantastic. And so then you're going to back into like, okay, well what needs to happen to make that happen? And so then you're really clear on where you're going and you can actually look at benchmarks and inch stones and milestones as you're on your journey. But the big thing is you have to practice and that's in the privacy of your own home and just a little bit because the beginning is so self-conscious and so self judgmental. So you just have to allow for that and then get through. Then you can become an athlete, right? Athletes are always looking at game tape. Performers are always looking at game tape and it's about not 180 degree improvement. We look at it's incremental. It's like look at as if it's a dimmer switch. It's just like, okay, if I'm at a five, what does it take to get to a six? Because one, it's like when we're just starting out and then it's just learning a new skill, but then it does become about incremental mastery and it's like what are the little tweaks that I do to constantly get better? But the big thing is practice. If you want to be on camera, practice on camera,
Kim (28:53):
What do you do? When people say, I cannot watch myself, it's too horrible for me. I can't, how do you help them grow when they refuse to watch the game tape?
Barbara (29:00):
Well, one, that's when the coaching comes in and we start to work through well, so what's coming up for you? What's your gremlin saying to you? Is there something we can unpack here to get into release? Really shame driven, that's heavy. That's where seriously the coaching comes in. And then the other thing too is if your goal is this, whatever that is, we have to go deliver a product. We're launching a thing. You have to ask yourself what is more important? Sitting in my fear the end of my life, I mean, I'm so glad that I gave into my fear or am I so glad that I worked through this challenge and I grew and exceeded sales expectations, made the world a better place by launching my book, my product, whatever that was. But that is where we get really into coaching to say it's like, you're not going to get where you want to go if you refuse to do this. So we talk through what's the resistance, why is this coming up, how does this feel physically in your body? And then a lot of times it goes back to, yes, when I was five year old, so-and-so shame me and I'm carrying this around. But I mean, the other thing too goes back to those are universal stories. It's a very rare person who only heard you're fantastic their whole life,
Kim (30:12):
Which also isn't good for you anyway. You're fantastic. Your whole life is not that helpful either if that's all you've ever.
Barbara (30:17):
That's a great point. You know what, I was listening to a really wonderful talk recently, and it really framed it beautifully when they said, if you're physically developing your body, you develop muscles. Because when you work with resistance, and I'm like, of course. And I'm a big fan of using resistance fan, which by the way, working mom's best friend because they actually work. You only need 15 minutes a day and you can take them anywhere. Just saying, and then made me realize it's like, so the only way we grow as humans is by the same thing as that muscle and encountering resistance. If everything is smooth sailing, to your point, we become jello, we lose, we have no muscle tone and we become weaker. I was like, Ooh, that's so good.
Kim (30:59):
A hundred percent. And so funny, by the way, those resistance bands, I've had like a hundred resistance bands of all different colors from all the physical therapy in my life. But that's a side note. This speech, I gave a keynote last year, which I worked with Barbara on, and I traveled to Orlando for the Women's Real Estate Investment Conference, and it was my four step process to overcome fear. And it's about what we were just talking about is I felt scared to put myself on camera. I felt scared to have a podcast even though I had all the training, so much more training than anyone else. I'm a trainer, I'm an executive producer of content, and I weighed the desire versus the fear, and I did what Barbara and I were just talking about is I said to myself, where is my career going to be in two years if I keep hiding?
(31:39):
I'm hiding from clients, I'm hiding from the camera is hiding from clients, so I'm only hurting myself if I'm letting the fear keep me down. And I had to just really put on a scale, it's like those scales of justice. One is desire and one is fear. And I had to make the desire outweigh the fear. And that's what pushed me on camera. And it's been an incredible turnaround. My business has literally tripled. And so I think that it's such a great way to say, okay, if you're really feeling that fear and it's so deep, go deeper. Why is it there? And how much do you want to escape that fear? Not escape the fear? How much do you want to face the fear and handle the fear and tackle it? Because is where you want to go, a place you really, really want to be. Because if it is, it's totally worth it.
Barbara (32:23):
The other thing too is there's a great book I love called What to Say When You Talk to yourself by Shell. He's like the OG of this category. I mean, he started writing in the sixties and people thought he was a little daffy, and now brain scans and science have shown that he was actually right all along. And one of the things he points out is there's no motivation without motive. This goes deep. So it's understand what matters. Okay, so both those working mothers, I got to tell you, it's like feeding my family, paying my mortgage. Those are really powerful motivators that would be like, okay, I got to pay for college, so I have to get over my fear. And so I think that that's another going deep into another layer, it's like, what does it really mean to you? And sometimes it can be lighthearted.
(33:08):
Losing weight is hard for most people all the time, but suddenly going to a 30th high school reunion can be the most amazing. Right? Now you have motive, but I mean it has to mean something to you internally. It can't be a should. You should care about paying for college. It's like if it doesn't connect with you, it doesn't connect, but you find ways. It's like, does this have emotional resonance with me? Yes. Okay, now I'm willing to do what it takes. And then the thing that you teach so well too, Kim, is the baby steps. Don't overwhelm yourself with technology and lofty goals. Just what's the one thing I could do today? I could turn on my camera and I could just record myself making dinner and walking myself through how to do something. I know how to do record myself wrapping Christmas presents.
Kim (33:52):
And even if that doesn't go anywhere, even if you don't post that anywhere, you're getting more comfortable seeing yourself on camera. Exactly. I thought the thing about working for yourself this year has been incredible, but I've definitely been working more and I thought, oh, working a job, going back to a regular job, you'd have a good salary. Steady. I'm like, no. My motivation is this summer, I got so much incredible time with my kids. I had so much true relaxation. No one telling me where to be. I still worked, but I was not beholden to any boss. And that's my motive to the motivation. And so, alright, on that note, Barbara, this was so amazing. How can people find you, listen to you get your downloads?
Barbara (34:30):
Oh, thanks for asking. I'm very, very easy to find. So my website Abel Intermedia, A B E L I N T E R M E D I a.com, I'm easy to contact there. You can listen to my podcast camera ready and able available. I'm still on X if you can believe it, but Instagram is Barbara_b_ Abel and I often have to point out, I didn't choose the underscores really, but there's a Belgian mystery writer of the same name and she got there first.
Kim (34:58):
So don't follow her.
Barbara (35:01):
No. Do she actually, wait, I'm just going to say Anne Hathaway is coming out in a movie adaptation of one of her books this year, next year.
Kim (35:08):
So follow both of you,
Barbara (35:09):
The Barbara Abels.
Kim (35:11):
Yeah, exactly. Thank you so much, Barbara. This was excellent.
Barbara (35:13):
Thank you, Kim.
Kim (35:18):
Thank you for joining us. Don't forget to exit the grind and enter success on your own terms. This is the exit interview with Kim Rittberg. Don't forget to grab my free download, how to Grow Your Business with Amazing video at kimrittberg.com and linked out in the show notes. I love to hear your feedback. Make sure to submit to me what you learned from the show and how you are crushing it on your own terms. Connect with me on Instagram or LinkedIn at Kim Rittberg, R I T T B E R G. And this show is edited by Jillian Grover and produced by Henry Street Media. I'm your host and executive producer, Kim Rittenberg.