EP. 36 / What are you here for? QVC host & 7-figure entrepreneur Kim Gravel on being depressed as a SAHM and then finding her purpose
SHOW NOTES:
Want the Top 10 Tips to Be a Less Stressed, Happier & More Successful Parent, from the expert guests of Mom’s Exit Interview? Grab it here
++++++++++++++++++++++++
QVC host & 7-figure entrepreneur Kim Gravel on how she felt ‘depressed’ when she realized she wasn’t pursuing her passion. She was working in real estate but yearned to be on a stage and she had an epiphany during the 5 years she spent as a stay-at-home mom. Hear how she went from flailing to flying, and has tips for all of us to find our passion–and build our career on top of that. Plus she shares thoughts on how to be more confident from her new book. Kim Gravel also basically cracked open the purpose of host Kim Rittberg’s career. No joke. But also there are jokes. Lots of jokes.
Lastly Dr Shayla Nettey shares a funny parenting moment about her child finding religion (or not!).
LISTEN BELOW! And don’t forget to ‘follow’ and leave a rating & review!
Quotes:
“We think it’s a la carte. I can be a good mom or I can have a career. We can live our dreams and be a great mom too.”
“When you clarify and really focus in, concentrate on your purpose, it acts as this parent company. You're planting seeds. You're watering it and you're watching things grow.”
”It's not what happens to you it, it's what happens through you that makes you who you are.“
Click below to Follow, Review & Give a 5-star rating to Mom’s Exit Interview Podcast.
SHOW LINKS:
Want Mom’s Exit Interview’s weekly tips:? Click for the newsletter signup link.
Follow Kim Rittberg, Host of Mom’s Exit Interview
Want to make top-ranked podcasts & award-winning video to grow your business?
Or improve your on-camera presence? Grab her 10 Tips to Awesome Video + How to Shine On Camera here.
EPISODE LINKS:
-The Kim Gravel Show Podcast Pre-Order Collecting Confidence By Kim Gravel
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Kim Rittberg (00:01):
QVC host seven figure entrepreneur, but truly hilarious kind person who cracked me up. Kim Gravelle is here. Kim tells us how she went from being a manager of a department building to a stay-at-home mom.
Kim Gravel (00:15):
I never got to the success I had dreamed of. I decided to stay home and during that time I was so depressed.
Kim Rittberg (00:26):
And she tells us how she finally found her true purpose and how you can too. Plus she sort of cracked open the meaning of my life. This is Mom's exit interview the show for moms who want to craft the career and life they want.
(00:45):
Each episode, you'll meet inspirational moms across various industries and levels who are working and living life on their own terms, and they'll bring you actionable tips from finance to business development to happiness, to crushing that imposter syndrome. I'm Kim rit. I was a burnt out media executive at Netflix, US Weekly and in TV news. I wanted a career where I was fulfilled at work but present at home with my kids. So I started working for myself and I love it, but not every day was easy or is easy. I wanted to explore with all of you how other moms were creating careers on their own terms. They're carving out flex jobs, starting their own businesses. They're taking back control. Join me and make work, work for you instead of the other way around.
(01:43):
If you love the show, it would be a huge favor if you dropped a review, five stars and I made an amazing free download, top 10 Tips to Be a happier, less Stressed and more successful parent based off of our guests, of course, because I don't have those tips, but they do. So click in the show notes to grab that free download. And if you want to be better on camera or supercharge your business with video and podcasts, I am your woman. Drop me a note to see how we can work together. You go to moms exit interview.com and just hit contact. And I wanted to share a little story. I definitely have been working more to prioritize better right now. Feel like I have a lot on my plate. I'm teaching my first ever video bootcamp. I have a huge group of students, which is awesome, but it's a lot of work.
(02:27):
And I'm also prepping for two speaking engagements and I have one-on-one clients. But the reason I work for myself is to get more time with my kids. So even though I've been feeling stressed when I picked up my kindergartner at school, he was upset that all he got was some time to eat a snack together. So I really thought about it. I am working for myself. Pr really a big part of it is to get more time with my kids. So I looked at my calendar. It happened to be one of those days, even though I have a lot of work, my appointments were optional. I could shift them to tomorrow. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to hang out with my son. And what ended up happening was so fun. He made up a fun pretend adventure game up and down our apartment building where we were sneaking around pretending to be robbers and orange.
(kid) Nate (03:15):
Cause the silver and orange one, yeah, maybe those are the only colors them though
Kim Rittberg (03:22):
From the people that were stealing from
Speaker 4 (03:24):
Let's Mommy.
Kim Rittberg (03:31):
And I felt like it was a win because oftentimes I have a hard time remembering what is my main priority and how do I stick to that. And so it felt really good to have this sort of unintentional freewheeling hour and a half of fun time on a Thursday. So I just wanted to share that parenting win. And now today we have another Kim. I would say she's not as cool as me, but she's pretty cool. She is very cool. Kim Gravelle was a Miss Georgia. And as her career started, she was a manager at an apartment building, but she always wanted to be on a stage and perform. At one point she was home with her kids and she was feeling really depressed In that stage of her life. She started to realize her true purpose. She now hosts a podcast called the Kim Gravelle Show. She is a seven figure entrepreneur and QVC host. She has a book out called Collecting Confidence. And now she's out there inspiring others to find their purpose. I'll be real. During this interview, she basically read my palm through the screen. She uncracked my true purpose in life. I had serious goose goosebumps and was thinking about it and talking me about it for days afterwards. I'm really excited to share this awesome conversation with you.
(04:52):
Paint me a picture of your week. So I know you have, oh God, so many things you're doing. How do you fit that in if you're working that hard, how do you fit in what they're wanting from you?
Kim Gravel (05:03):
Well, that's a good question because I just try to be in the moment. This is what I've learned. The hard way <laugh> actually is that just because everybody needs you or everybody wants something from you doesn't mean that you're obligated to deliver that. And let me explain because I think women, our default mode is helpmate, even if we're a ball space, okay, I'm a ceo, I run a huge company with a lot of annual revenue. A lot of people depend on it, a lot of jobs depend on it, and that's a huge responsibility. But that's really what I'm responsible for in my professional life. And that's just about it. And so I've, it's not even learn to say no, it's learn to say no and not feel guilty about it. That's the exciting thing is when you can go, yeah, I'm pretty much not going to do that.
(06:08):
And you don't sit there for two days, two hours, whatever, even two minutes and go, oh God, I wonder what they think. Do you think they're going to cancel my business? Do you think you're going to cancel that po? Are they going to put in that order? If I lost business, is the whole thing going down in flames? You know what I'm saying? That's how we do as women. When we say no, we think there's a huge consequence that's going to cost us everything we've worked for. Same with parenting, just what, a lot of times I would just say yes to my kids for mom guilt, yes to the phone time to going out to eat just because I feel guilty because I couldn't cook something good yet, all of that because I felt like I was lacking in that. So I would say yes. So learning to say no to them has been a game changer for me. Cause you know what? It's time for you to put your boy pants on. I'm a young man and do your own laundry. And if you don't have your basketball uniform that's on you. Yes, you'll sit to bed. So I've had to learn to say no. And I used to say no, but I feel completely guilty now. I say no. And that's just, I don't feel anything afterwards. I feel actually relieved. So that's how I'm trying to balance all of this.
Kim Rittberg (07:14):
So talk to me from when you're, you're 19, you're winning a pageant, and then you meet your husband, you get married, you have kids, and you take a step back and you're home with your kids for a little while. Talk to me about what did that period look like and then once you started working again, was it hard to do that? What was that transition period and what made you decide to stay home with your kids in the first place?
Kim Gravel (07:38):
Well, when I was young, I was so career oriented and career minded. I mean, I did want to get married and have a family, but I didn't see that as a sense of urgency. I did a career. Now when you're in your early twenties, a lot of people are having fun. They're living life, pursuing their career, their education. And so I didn't marry until I was 30 years old. So Travis and I met and married at 30 and we waited six years to have kids. So I was 36 and 38 when I had my children because I still was working on my career. And this is so funny because isn't this how it works? You think and you plan your life and you say, I'm going to do this and I'm going to graduate and I'm going to get married and I'm going to have 2.6 kids, 2.4 kids or whatever, two point whatever, because it's never just one because they're always so extra.
(08:27):
And then it never works out that way because when I was 30 and I got married, I still work on my career. I never got to the success I had dreamed of. And so I kind of just said, well, bump it. I guess it's not going to work. I guess it's not going to happen. And so Travis and I like, look, we're not getting any younger. Let's have a couple kids. So I had Bo when I was 36 and Blaton when I was 38. And I decided to stay home. And during that time I was so depressed because this is the thing, as women, we always think it's an a la carte menu life is we always think, okay, I can have a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and then if I'm lucky in a few years, I can go back and taste some of this. And so I had that alacarte menu mentality and it was the time being home with my children. I mean, I used to binge watch John and Kate plus eight, y'all remember getting, I mean, haven't got the woman's haircut. I got the stick I, it was a
Kim Rittberg (09:30):
Very it impactful time in your life. What could I say?
Kim Gravel (09:33):
It was, I would binge eat frozen yogurt and watch John and Kate plus say and sit there and cry when my kids were running around going, how is this woman doing with all these kids? And I would watch Niecy Nash on the Style Network, whos the clean house. And that's what I would do all day. So I would sit there and just watch great reality tv, but daytime reality tv. And one day I guess I signed Bo up for Mother's Morning Out Kim, did your kids go to Mother's Morning Out?
Kim Rittberg (10:03):
Is that like a mommy and me
Kim Gravel (10:05):
Thing? Yeah, like a mommy and me. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Girl, I couldn't wait at 8 45 to load them kids up and take them to mommy me morning, mother's morning out, please get out my face for three hours. So I would pack my kids up and take it and then I would come home and I would start dreaming again. I allowed myself to have, I'm going to get emotional. I allowed myself to have a little bit of dreams for myself again, because I think as moms, especially as young with young kids, we forget our own dreams. Because when you become a mother Kim, they never leave your mind sitting here talking to you thinking, does Bo have his basketball uniform? Does Blaton get his tennis shoes? Just talking to you right now? That's going through my mind.
(10:55):
So I would dream again and I would sit there and I would look at John and Kate plus eight and I'd look at Niecy, national Clean House. And I thought, you know what? I can do reality tv. This is exactly how this happened. And I sat there and I thought, I'm telling you, I could put together a sizzle reel and I can go and train young girls. Cause I would train girls in pageants just to get out in the house, just to have a little bit of fun, Kim, just to get a little bit of extra relief from normal adult people other than my husband because I was hot potato When he got home. I'd just basically just throw the kids at him and say, I'm out. I'm going to target. So I started training girls and pageants just to get out the house. I thought, you know what?
(11:37):
I'm going to pitch this show. And so for a solid year, I would tape things and send it out to producers to pitch this reality TV show. So long story short, we got the reality TV show, and I'm back in business. I'm back in my career. I'm back doing something I never thought I would do, but always wanted to do. I was back in the game. And so I think that, and for the first time in a long time, Kim, I wasn't just going, hi, I'm Kim Gravelle, I'm just a mom. Do you know what I'm saying? For a long time I just filled in that I'm just a mom. People say, Kim, what do you do? I'm just a mom. You know what I'm saying? I was
Kim Rittberg (12:22):
Identity was your identity be changed because of that era
Kim Gravel (12:26):
And the dream that I dreamt for myself came alive again. That's what I think happens to us as women. We think, again, it's a la carte. I can be a good mom, but I can't have a career and we really can live our dreams and be a great mom too. That's what I learned from that process. It was a life changing moment for me. Those five years I stayed at home. It really, really was.
Kim Rittberg (12:53):
Talk to me about, you had said that you met your husband at 30 and so you didn't have kids till 36, but you felt like your career was not what you wanted it to be. What did it look like in your twenties and thirties that it just wasn't match your expectations or your hopes at the time? Kim would speak at civic women's groups, women in business, at churches, and the focus was on women's empowerment.
Kim Gravel (13:16):
Well, I would travel around and seek and sing and speak on vacation time. I would work a day job. I was a manager at apar, a multi-family housing apartment community. So I was successful in that, right? In the corporate world. And I had strong communication skills, strong managerial skills but I always wanted to have a platform and be on a stage and perform. I've always done that even as a little kid. So that was always my dream. And when it didn't happen in my prime, and I'm doing air quotes when I say prime, because we think those twenties and thirties are the times that we really can dig in and lean into our career. When it didn't happen, then I pseudo gave up and said, well, the default is family. So I always wanted a family too. So it was an either or thing, mental perspective for me. I thought, well, it didn't make it in my career, so now I'll just have a family. I mean, that word just followed me a long time until I realized life is an all you can eat buffet.
Kim Rittberg (14:22):
Some days it really is an all you can eat buffet at my house, <laugh>,
Kim Gravel (14:25):
Literally. But all I eat buffet, you go and can taste a little of this in a little, this one sitting and then you can get a new plate and go back.
Kim Rittberg (14:35):
So I always a second plate.
Kim Gravel (14:37):
That's right. You have to get a second plate cause you've prayed so much for it, right? Yeah. So it's the same thing with life, you know, don't have to get it all at once or it doesn't have to be a whole heap of something. You don't just have to have mashed potatoes and you know, can have mashed potatoes and french cries. You might not eat 'em all at the same time, but you can go back and get that. And that's what happened to me. And the thing about it, Kim, is I'm in my fifties, I'm 51 and I'm just getting started with the career.
Kim Rittberg (15:05):
That's cool. It's cool. That's cool. It's really cool. Tell you, so a few things that just really struck me from what you were just saying is the process of having the podcast mom's exit interview and hearing from women who are really trying to figure out how do I make it all fit together? Because I think to your point is it's about the clarity and the choice in situations. And so when the default is mom, you're not taking pride in mom because I have friends who are stay-at-home moms, but they really are enjoying it. And I'm like, they're kicking
Kim Gravel (15:37):
By
Kim Rittberg (15:38):
Moms. I'm like, you're loving it. That's awesome. And I think that it's the most important thing is it's a job you choose. Yeah. First of all, it's obviously a job that's not even going to say that without saying it. Obviously being a stay-at-home parent is a job, but on top of that, the power comes within saying, I want to be doing this. I'm enjoying doing this, whether it's two years or 10 years or 20 years, this is where I'm at right now and I'm enjoying it. And so I think your point just was very poignant about you felt like it wasn't a choice and it was a default and you had other desires out there and that was pushing you. And I also think that today, and I love it, it's so inspirational that you're 51 is just getting started because I think, right, I've always been obsessed with the idea of second acts, and I definitely am.
(16:24):
I'm obviously going to have a second career after this career. I don't know what it'll be, but there's always a new thing. Because we live so long now, it's unlikely that we're all going to have one job from post-college to when we die, whether that's 70, 80, 90, whatever. So I love the idea of second acts. I had a jewelry side business in when I was in my twenties, and I learned so much from it. It was awesome. I was standing in Bloomingdale's on the weekends and a trunk show talking to people and showing them my jewelry and selling it. And it was really cool. And I was a side hustle for a long time and I chose to stick with media and I didn't follow through with that, but it was great. And I can't wait. I just love that you're saying there's more Kim for us because it's very inspirational, I think to other people to realize it doesn't matter if you're 35, 45, 51, 55, there's all other stuff out there and do it
Kim Gravel (17:16):
Well and reimagine. It's the buffet mentality. Sample some things you normally wouldn't sample during this time. A lot of people, yeah. You say a lot of who's listening to this podcast, Kim, are moms. They're moms who've either left the workforce or thinking about reentering. You can start that little small business. Start your little jewelry business if you want to. What I would've appreciated, Kim. True. I would've appreciated a look, John and Kate plus eight was my influencer. But I would appreciate a mom of teenage boys right now. Yeah. Posting, logging, journaling, their experience on tips to raise boys. I mean, that was the first thing you asked me.
Kim Rittberg (18:00):
Yeah.
Kim Gravel (18:01):
You know what Im saying? Yeah. We have to reimagine how motherhood is for us. And it's all individual. I, I live in a neighborhood and we all go to the same school and blah, blah, blah. And one's an attorney. Of course she's still, she's a stay-at-home mom, she's still an attorney. So is go-to, I'll be like, girl, I got this contract. Send it over. What I'm saying, we're all created this network. That's the beautiful thing about women is we're never done.
Kim Rittberg (18:31):
Totally.
Kim Gravel (18:31):
We're always, we like, fine wine honey, we ain't like chunky milk. We don't sour. We get better and fine as older we get.
Kim Rittberg (18:39):
And you're right. And I think that I've met people who are full on running a business. Yeah. 30, 40, 56 hours a week. But then also there are plenty of women running businesses in 20 hours. They are eating, hold on. They are having it's coming to me, the crute, but also the Doritos and the pasta with a little side of tequila. My buffet. Okay. It was a gross buffet. Buffet.
Kim Gravel (19:05):
No. Now
Kim Rittberg (19:06):
My metaphor totally, totally was ruined. I just made a really gross food plate that you would definitely throw up if you ate it. That was really gross.
Kim Gravel (19:15):
I think the tequila going down would get rid of all of that. Honey, you would've to worry about it. Anything chase with that? No. It's the truth though. It's like 20 hours a week can be so fulfilling for everybody who's out there. I mean, I don't know any woman even who's a stay-at-home mom that doesn't need to take time for herself. Whatever that looks like. Oh my God, yes. If it's going to get a massage or your feet rubbed, or if it's going to sit down and just read a good book, or if it's doing a side hustle business, and I don't even say it's side hustle. A true business that's 20 hours a week. Whether it's just documenting, I mean, I'm already collecting, this is so weird. People are going to think I'm so weird. But I've already started collecting because my son is a sophomore, so he'll be a senior in two years. The little things for his senior quilt, because I'm like, I've got to be ahead of them again because when it's senior year, I need to have that quilt going. Isn't that a mom? Right. We're always thinking ahead like that, but it's whatever. So not now I'm looking for moms or someone that can make his senior quilt right now.
Kim Rittberg (20:16):
I thought that wasn't so weird. I thought you were going to say, I've been collecting his smelly socks for my, well, I got
Kim Gravel (20:22):
Those
Kim Rittberg (20:22):
Memory, be memory of this era. Okay. All right, cool. I did do a very cute thing recently. Actually. My kids and I, so I'm obviously a video marketing person. I came from media, so I am the archivist of the family. I make albums that no one looks at that I spend 40 hours making. And then I get mad that no one looks at them, whatever.
Kim Gravel (20:43):
Well they'll, one day
Kim Rittberg (20:44):
They will. It's also too many pages. It's like this year, 150 pages. Why don't too many pictures? Anyway, I need to edit my own albums better. But secondarily recently, the kids are now five and a half and seven and a half old enough to be processing the funny memories we're sharing with them. So we went to dinner one night. I brought a bunch of colored colored gel pens and I said, write or draw any of the fun memories that you have of your childhood so far, or funny stories. They just wrote 'em on little scraps of paper. I cut them up and I made us go to the frame store and they're making a shadow box out of it. But I made them a part of it. Cause I was like, I'm not doing any more family archiving that. No one's helping and no one's looking at. But it did feel nice to be, to your point, we moms we're always thinking we're of the family. We're always thinking ahead. Yes. We're always thinking, well, what if we forget this awesome year? But anyway, I was trying to pull them into it more because I wanted them to be excited about it and I wanted it to be in their hand handwriting. I didn't want it to be like moms calligraphy, <laugh>, like of our mothers.
(21:45):
Kim had an interesting perspective on purpose and how it relates to being a parent,
Kim Gravel (21:49):
Hard, cold truth. And there's no better way to raise your children than them watching you fulfill your purpose. And so for you doing the side, people say side hustle. I don't call it a side hustle. I call it a, it's more than a hobby. It is. It's living out something that you love and that fulfills you. Because when you do that, you're overflowing to so many ways. You're helping your soul, you're helping your children see someone living their life to the fullest. And joy. You're also pursuing that purpose that that's been inside of you from the very beginning because everybody's not a mom. Every woman's not a mom. And we're only a mom for a short period of time. As far as from a time standpoint, we are forever in our hearts and we'll love our kids today. They put us in the grave and eternity and beyond. Let me just grow the toy story, but they won't always need us. But our purpose always does need us. Does that make sense?
Kim Rittberg (22:55):
Yeah.
Kim Gravel (22:56):
I don't want to shift. I'm not saying you don't. Yeah. Your kids are not the main thing. Really. You are the main thing.
Kim Rittberg (23:04):
What is your purpose? And
Kim Gravel (23:04):
Kids? My purpose is to edify, is to build people up, to encourage it's to. And I do it through laughter, through the products I sell, through podcasts, through my relationships with my girlfriends. One of my dear girlfriends has just been diagnosed with cancer. And so I'm walking that path with her in encouragement. Our purpose is not an occupation, it's more of a vocation. And a vocation is that still small voice. If you look up what vocation means, it's a voice inside that's always calling you and motherhood. That's what I'm talking about. Motherhood is just part of the buffet. It's just part of what makes us women. And I can't tell you, Kim, the countless women, they're like, I'm a mom, but I don't know what to do. I wish I could do more. I want to do more. And they really are busy being moms, so they really can't do more. But you can hear start planning and dreaming.
Kim Rittberg (24:05):
I also feel like there's the other end of it. I live in New York and I think there's a lot of the other side where people are like, I am a doctor or
Kim Gravel (24:14):
A
Kim Rittberg (24:16):
Lawyer. And I think it's that because women today we're so educated, we're the most educated, getting more educated than men than graduate college graduation rates. And so then I think it becomes, I like your twisting of the words of let's think about what are we here to do and how do we help people? Because I know that for myself, definitely now I'm going to sit tonight and talk to my husband, what is my purpose? And I'm not going to find it this week. And that's okay. But it's a good question to ask yourself. And one of the things I've explored,
Kim Gravel (24:51):
Well, you already know it and I think I already know we didn't do another podcast. Cause I think I can drill it down. You really can drill your purpose down to one or two words. I think you do know your purpose.
Kim Rittberg (25:01):
I think I do. I think I need to clarify it more like That's right. I were to say, I would say I feel like I am a cheerleader for people specifically. I feel like I am a cheerleader for people. I feel like that's the energy I bring everywhere. And I that's coming through my business in that I'm helping people get better on camera, think of more content, be creative, empowering them. I'm cheerleading them to grow themselves, but I'm not a life coach. I'm not what I am. But as a part of that, you're, you're always a life coach. When you're in a person to person service business, you're always a life coach. But yeah, I think that that's a big part of it that I realized this fall I coached my daughter's soccer, but first of all, I've never really played soccer. That's number one. I've only played <laugh>, but I was an all conference lacrosse player in high school. Ok, good
Kim Gravel (25:51):
Athlete. You're exactly ok that count.
Kim Rittberg (25:53):
I don't think I've kicked the ball since I was 13, but that's fine. I love it. That's fine. And that's fine. Anyway, I went last season and they had a coach and the coach was very lukewarm, not engaging, not encouraging. And I was like, wait, no, no, I can do this. I go in there, I bring all my energy, which is there
Kim Gravel (26:11):
You go.
Kim Rittberg (26:11):
Y you're all great. Our goal is to have fun and I want all of you to get a little better this season. That's the whole goal. But then all these people, these dads were like, your team is the best coach team. I was like excuse me. Wow. Dads, dads with your dad bods giving me compliments. But it did make me realize that I told a friend of mine, I'm like, oh my God, coaching went amazing. I felt closer with my daughter. My daughter has it unlocked something. She wants to snuggle more. She feels more connected to me. She's been talking to me more about what's going on at school. It really unlocks something in our relationship. When I told my friends like, oh yeah, the soccer coaching, it went great. They were like, of course it did. You're you. That's your energy. You make everyone feel good. I'm like, oh yeah. I'm not surprised by it. It's just when you hear it back to you, I'm like, that is that true? And I feel that way.
Kim Gravel (27:04):
I don't think you're a cheerleader. I looked this up as you were talking. I, and that's another thing is I have been able to really sense out my own purpose so I can do it for others in a really quick way. And maybe we should do another podcast about how to find your purpose. Oh, I love that. But you're an electr fire. You arouse a sudden sense of great excitement and thrill. So you're an electr fire, so you bring electricity. I get cold chills when I said it so I know it's right. You bring electricity in a vibrance in an energy to everything you do. You do it when you're doing your scrapbooking. You do it with your company. You're doing it on the podcast. You did it on my podcast. I fell in love with your energy and your spirit and you brought this electric current in and woke it up. You wake people up. And to me, that's what I'm talking about. It's that one word that you can put in and plug into everything. Again, it's the same plate. You might just be putting different foods on it every time you go back to the buffet. Right? Oh my God. But it's the same serving plate. It's the same type
Kim Rittberg (28:11):
Of plate. Kim, you're going to make me cry. I was like, goosebumps. No, I think, did you
Kim Gravel (28:15):
Feel
Kim Rittberg (28:15):
It? I a hundred percent had goosebumps. I had little tears in my eyes. I'm not a crying good
Kim Gravel (28:22):
But that means it's right. You're resonating
Kim Rittberg (28:24):
With it's No, it's a hundred percent true. And I think that what I love about your message about purpose is, I thought about this as I've grown my business is that especially when you're working with people, it's one thing if you're selling products, it's different when your personality is a part of the brand, which your is selling products, but you're also selling,
Kim Gravel (28:43):
Well yours too.
Kim Rittberg (28:44):
You're selling you. But it is understanding how you are. And I think how many of us really know what people think about us? Even if you're really self-aware, you never really know what people think about you. You do have to have a, I agree. You have to have an understanding of what you bring. And I think the more I realized I'm people like to be around me and that is a superpower. And to not bring that into my business, thank you, Kim.
Kim Gravel (29:10):
It's true.
Kim Rittberg (29:11):
But you know what I mean. To not, but also to not harness that. I think that when I was, earlier in my career, I was imitating a person in a work suit, like a power suit. And I'd go to meetings and I would try to sound like a man. And that's not my energy. So to, for me to wear a pantsuit and drop my voice, which is already deep anyway, but to try to be a different person, whether that's the A man or
Kim Gravel (29:36):
Right
Kim Rittberg (29:37):
Less loose, I am smart, but less you, less me. And that's not right. And so I think it's been a process of saying, how do I harness the things that are positive attributes, which you just so spoke about is how do I harness what I can bring to places to not just make myself more successful, but to help the people that I want to be helping? And it's been a really great process of doing what you just told me on the show. I think I've been, I wouldn't think of the word purpose, but I've thought of the word superpower and now I'm going to think about same
Kim Gravel (30:08):
Thing, purpose, same
Kim Rittberg (30:08):
Thing. Yes,
Kim Gravel (30:09):
Same
Kim Rittberg (30:09):
Thing. But I think it's totally right because I've been thinking, oh man, in the past six months I've been like, oh, that is my superpower. Connecting with people. It's making them feel good. It's hit me. Yeah.
Kim Gravel (30:21):
So another piece of advice I would give to you and anyone listening that's really been such a help for me is now everything is funneled through that electricity that you are an electrified. So it's almost a mission statement so to speak, or a mantra. So for me, I don't take on projects or I don't take on products or I don't take on people that I can't pour into an EdFi. So if someone calls me and says, Kim, I want you to do A, B, or C. Okay, I want you to teach this class. If it's just teaching a class of how to do social media posts or pageant walks or whatever, that's not going to allow me to edify the people taking the class. I say, no, ever. Don't feel guilty about it. Remember that everything, when you clarify and really focus in, concentrate on your purpose, it acts as this parent company. Because I always talk in business that so many different things and funnels can come down from, and people call it personal branding, but I think that's really purpose light. I don't want to call it a brand because a brand sounds very transactional where a purpose in you being an electrify is not transactional. You're planting seeds.
(31:54):
Yeah. You're watering it and you're watching things grow. That's very different than a personal brand. I don't care to know what you're about. I want you to live out your purpose in my life. If you make it about everyone else, meaning if you make your purpose about helping and building up everyone else in being a bigger part, a small part of a bigger conversation, then your business, your motherhood, your relationships, your social media, everything will grow. That's why I'm not a big fan. What's your personal brand? Tell me what you're here for and how you're doing it and tell that's a person that's always, and I'm an accidental purpose person. I just stumbled into it. I didn't know, I didn't go, okay, I'm going to do my purpose. It kind of like how you just unfolded yours right here today. That is, oh, that is just brilliance on display. You've been toying with it. You've been knowing what it is.
Kim Rittberg (32:49):
This is the world's greatest life coaching and therapy session. So I work with people, I help them be more confident to make video to grow their business. You do. I feel like so many people, they just feel blocked and they don't feel confident. You have tips if someone's feeling low and they just don't feel confident in life in business, in life and personal life, whatever. What are your tips for someone who's really not feeling confident?
Kim Gravel (33:18):
Well, first of all, why you're not feeling confident is a thousand percent circumstantial. So it's not real. So you're not feeling the reason you're not feeling confident has nothing to do with who you are, is what you're going through. And so I always say this, it's not what happens to you it, it's what happens through you that makes you who you are. So what's happening to you or what you have done to yourself, those circumstances are where you are right now is what's making you not confident, not broke. You don't need fixing. It's you got to take your mind off of what you're looking at because that is just what you've done. My dad said to me one time, he said, I was like, I lost, I've gained 50 pounds. I'm so fat. And he said to me, Kim, he said, you're not a fat girl, you're just living like you are. And that was just a huge freaking aha moment because a lot of times we say, I am this when it's not a truth. It's just where we are right now. And so I would say the first thing to do is stop thinking at all and just still and really get quiet with yourself. Journal. I mean, I know that sounds hokey, take a long walk, all that sounds really elementary, but it works if you do it consistently enough.
Kim Rittberg (34:41):
And again, you're saying journal to tap into why you're feeling low though you're saying not just I'm feeling low, but why am I feeling the Honestly I situation,
Kim Gravel (34:50):
I don't care if you're feeling low. I I'm, I'm tired of focusing on what you ain't. I'm ready to go. It's from what you are.
Kim Rittberg (34:57):
And then figuring out why is it a job that's making you feel low? Is it a neighbor who's always being negative to you? Whatever it is.
Kim Gravel (35:02):
Right? Right. Get quiet and it'll come to you. And then I say this to people all the time, thoughts are things and just how we go shopping and how we love to, oh my gosh, I'm so obsessed right now with Amazon. I mean something arrives from Amazon every day. I get in phases like that. I mean now I'm ordering like Maxi pads on Amazon. I'm like, really? Kim, you can't just run on down there to Target at Walmart. I mean, I'm so excited to add the cart on anything on Amazon. I'm obsessed. I am obsessed.
Kim Rittberg (35:35):
When I'm being good. I'm like safe for later. Kim. Save for later. Kim. That's
Kim Gravel (35:39):
A good take. At least I get my click fix. Yeah, right. You do. I want to to click. Yeah. Yeah, you want to click ok. So I'm going to take your advice on that. I'm just going to click save for later. My husband will be happy. But the second thing is to really start making some positive changes in your life. Start looking at what is good. Gratitude is always great. Listen, I'm not saying anything that someone hasn't said before, but the third thing I want people to do is get busy and you're just like, Kim, I can't add another thing to the plate. Then cut something out and put something in that's going to feed you and we're back at the Olive unique buffet.
Kim Rittberg (36:16):
Something that makes you feel good explicitly like correct. Tap into something you loved as a child. It's interesting. I talked to Gretchen Ruben, the happiness expert. She was on
Kim Gravel (36:25):
Mom's I love her.
Kim Rittberg (36:26):
She was on mom's Sex exit interview and she said that too. She's like, fine fun and I don't mean kid go ice skating with your kids if you don't like that. Whatever you liked tennis, reading, like watercolors, anything but that thing that you like and that's not related to your family obligations
Kim Gravel (36:43):
And it's not something that you can buy. Do something that that creatively comes from with you. Something you are creating or birthing or that fills you up that you can overflow with. Right? Yeah. I have a shopping addiction, so that makes me high for two minutes. And then I'm like, okay, what's next? So for me, filling up my cup is really just sitting alone in my little room with a little hole in my house with no kids and shutting the door and just being still and quiet and reading something really positive or journaling. Gratitude is good and also girlfriends are good.
Kim Rittberg (37:28):
Yeah. There's
Kim Gravel (37:29):
Something about girlfriend women.
Kim Rittberg (37:30):
Yeah, those close girlfriends that you just trust and love and always make you laugh.
Kim Gravel (37:35):
And if you don't have any, get some. They're there waiting on you. Everybody. We love our husbands and we love our kids, but when you see women on a girls trip, they're the happiest they've ever been. Am I right Kim?
Kim Rittberg (37:52):
I have my friend being like, when are we doing that Northfolk Girls weekend? I was like, we're going to get it. Schedule. Yeah. When are we doing that? No.
Kim Gravel (37:58):
You know what I'm saying? Even you talking about planning it got you excited. Yes. We love going to on vacation with the kids and that's so much fun and we love our husbands, but there's something about a group of girls going to dinner. You go to that you're, you're going, you're going to Longhorns and you see a group of women over there going, ah, they're, you're thinking, oh my gosh, them
Kim Rittberg (38:15):
<laugh>.
Kim Gravel (38:16):
Get a group of people in your life that are going to celebrate you.
Kim Rittberg (38:21):
I love
Kim Gravel (38:22):
That. Not just be there for you when you need 'em, but truly go, you know what, girl, you're an electr fire. Get out there this, you could do this, this. Okay.
Kim Rittberg (38:30):
I agree so much about that. That you need those people who are really got your back. It's so funny. Always one of the tips I give people when people say, how do you prepare for a media interview? Cause I help people get confident. Beca on camera. I say what you said? Yeah, get your pump up crew. So my brother and my come mom, come on. Whenever I would go on a big interview or I'm like, okay, I'm going to be on live TV in New York giving tips and they'll be like, you've got this. You're the best. Nobody's better than you. Everyone loves you. I'm like, yeah, yeah, but you need that. Those people, and you know who those people are. Like I don't need to tell you that person. Yes. Kim, are you ready for Rapid? Oh, sorry. I was going to ask if you're ready for Rapid.
Kim Gravel (39:08):
I was going to say one last. Yeah, I was going to say one last thing and if you don't have those people in your life that are your cheerleaders that pump you up, be that for someone else and that will come to you. Okay.
Kim Rittberg (39:19):
See if you can foster that relationship. Absolutely. Absolutely. There's those people who just make you feel good when you're around them and ask them to coffee, ask them to drinks. And if they say no four times in a row, then maybe not. But <laugh> be busy. It's fine. You can find Kim's book Collecting Confidence and listen to her podcast, the Kim Grael Show through her site, Kim grael, G r A V E l.com. And that's linked out in the show notes. Here is our Real mom moment and this one made me laugh. It's from Dr. Sheila Netti. She and I connected online after she told me she loved the show and here's her story.
Shayla Nettey (39:59):
Hi, I'm Shaylin Netti. I'm a practicing medical doctor who focuses on obesity medicine and I'm also the co-founder of the Virtual medical Practice Cooking on Purpose Health. My sweet mom parenting moment is going to include my five-year-old daughter. And actually she's a big part of the reason why I switched careers. And instead of doing hospital medicine, which was my previous career, I decided to start my own virtual practice. At one point I was thinking, I'm spending more time away from her now than I was when I wasn't working for myself. And I was wondering, am I doing the right thing? On one particular night, I was putting her to bed and she looked at me and she said, mommy. I said, yes, sweetie. She said, I love Jesus. And I said, oh my gosh, this is it. This is confirmation, but I'm being so hard on myself.
(40:48):
I'm doing the right thing. She loves Jesus. And I, because it was such a big moment to me, I said, can you say that one more time, baby? I Mommy wants to make sure she heard you right. And she said, mommy, I love Cheezits. And I said, wow, you know what? That actually tracks better <laugh> because she loves food. Either way, she was okay. I was being too hard on myself and just recognizing like she's a five year old and she's having a good time. She loves her cheezits and I'm going to keep doing what I hate to do.
Kim Rittberg (41:15):
You can find Dr. She Lin on Instagram at Cooking on Purpose Health, and if you want to submit your own Real Mom moment that I can run on the show, make sure to sign up for our newsletter or visit moms exit interview.com and you can contact me there.
(41:29):
Thank you for being here. Please drop a review. It really helps the show. It's helped spread the word and grab my free download. I need this amazing download. It aggregates the best tips from the show. Let me know which is your favorite. You can go to mom's exit interview.com and you can hit contact. I respond to every single note. I actually have pen pals from around the country because of Mom's exit interview. True Story. I write back to every single person, and this is Mom's Exit interview. I'm your host and executive producer, Kim Rit. The show is produced by Henry Street Media. Eugene Aquino is the editor for this episode, and Eliza Friedlander is our publicist and editorial producer. See you next time.