EP. 9 / Fighting cultural expectations, tripling your salary in 20 hours/week + Are you making the ‘wrong choice’? Rachel Nielson & Dr Lisa Damour
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How much does our community impact the choices we make? How do we find our path when it’s conflicting with our perceived expectations? Rachel Nielson talks about how her upbringing and Mormon religion impacted her path as a mom -- she was expected to be a stay-at-home mom but it didn’t feel right to her. She challenged the expectations of her culture -- and loves her career & life now (which also is earning her good money!).
Many parents worry they’re making the ‘wrong choice’ - between being a stay-at-home mom or being a working mom. Then clinical psychologist Dr Lisa Damour has some very encouraging research she’ll reveal! Dr Lisa also has advice on how to handle change with your partner - husband or spouse or whomever.
In our Real Mom Moment Digital Creator Nicki Marie hilariously tells us what parenthood means to her and it involves her child’s storytelling which is of questionable truth.
LISTEN BELOW! And don’t forget to ‘follow’ and leave a rating & review!
In this conversation with Rachel you will learn:
How she struggled with being a stay-at-home mom despite her religious upbringing & cultural expectations
How she went from teacher to stay-at-home mom to podcaster
How she found work that fulfills her but also allows her to be with her children
Her multiple revenue streams
Her time management tips and how she balances her work and fits it in the time when her kids are in school
TAKEAWAYS FROM RACHEL:
Fighting Cultural Expectations:
Rachel: I was raised in a religious culture that sort of taught me that you should stay home with your children…I wanted to work outside the home but felt like I shouldn't want that.
Tripling her salary
Rachel: I've tripled what I was making as a teacher. And I only work 20 hours a week.
TAKEAWAYS FROM LISA:
“Is it ‘better’ to be a stay-at-home mom or be a working mom?” - A question that is heavily asked, and so many people stress about is the question:
Dr Lisa Damour, host of the Ask Lisa, The Psychology of Parenting podcast and author of Untangled, says, “We studied it and I love the answer to this question. There's no benefit that always falls to the parents who work outside the home or parents who work within the home. The benefit falls when the parents are happy with their arrangement. So if you have someone who is someone who works from home or who's not working outside the home for somebody else who doesn't want to be doing that, it's not good for kids. If you have somebody who wants to be home and is working outside the home and doesn't want to be doing that.. It's not good for kids. So what's good for kids is that the parent is doing what the parent wants to be doing.
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EPISODE LINKS:
Rachel Nielson | 3 in 30 Podcast
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Rachel Nielson (00:02):
I was raised in a religious culture that sort of taught me that you should stay home with your children. I wanted to work outside the home, but felt like I shouldn't want that. I was shocked by how much I missed having a career. Well, I thought like, I, I not a good mom because I don't love every minute of this.
Kim Rittberg (00:21):
Rachel Nielson talks about how her upbringing and religion impacted her path as a mom and how she felt. She challenged the expectations of her culture and loves her career and life now, which also comes with some pretty good money.
Rachel Nielson (00:35):
You know, I've tripled my, what I was making as a teacher. And I only work 20 hours a week,
Kim Rittberg (00:41):
Then clinical psychologist, Dr. Lisa Damour has advice on how to handle change with your partner, husband, spouse, whomever, and has some very encouraging research, no matter what path you choose as a parent. So
Dr. Lisa Damour (00:53):
What's good for kids is that the parent is doing what the parent wants to be doing.
Kim Rittberg (00:59):
Leave your lanyard and swipe card at the door. Welcome to mom's exit interview, a podcast for moms seeking fulfillment and contentment outside the traditional nine to five, whether you're considering taking the leap or you're already mid-air, this podcast is for you. You'll meet moms or consultants, entrepreneurs stay at home mom's side hustles and part-time workers across various industries and levels. Plus every episode will have experts with tips so you can turn your inspiration into action. I'm Kim Rittberg. I was a Netflix executive and former head of video at us weekly, and I'm a mom of two. I quit the corporate world and I've never looked back, but I'm still on this journey. So join me. We don't need a boss to give us permission or a promotion to lead the lives we want.
Kim Rittberg (01:54):
Thank you for writing in about what you want us to cover on the show and what you're struggling with. These thoughts came in about mom guilt. A lot of you are thinking about the choices you're making about work, working more, working, less being with your kids, not being with your kids enough. So many questions about work and life. Many of you wrote in saying, you struggle with guilt. Leslie said, quote, unquote, I feel guilty at work. And at home I feel exhausted. Beth said always feeling like I'm not giving enough to either pursuit today's episode deals with guilt and expectations and finding the right path. So make sure to keep listening. And don't forget to please follow the show, leave a review in a five star rating. And of course share it with friends. We hope that they love it as much as you do.
Kim Rittberg (02:35):
We're talking about expectations. And once you understand those expectations, questioning them and figuring out what you want and need within that. For me, stepping off the corporate ladder and pausing to rethink was challenging when I said with certainty, okay, I'm not gonna be in the corporate world. I'm not looking for a full time job. I'm going to work for myself. And I'm also gonna earmark time for my kids for no one else to infringe upon. You would think I told someone I'm living in a house made of mushrooms. <laugh> like you would think I'm just totally bananas. And also finding moms who are in transition or slowing down is also harder where I am. The expectations of where I live in New York city is that there are mostly two working parents and mostly full time. There was a disbelief that I was not job hunting and the expectations that you need to keep climbing a ladder.
Kim Rittberg (03:26):
And then on this path to being self-employed, I kind of felt against the green because I wasn't looking to build a large company and land on the cover of Forbes magazine. Within those expectations. A friend of mine, a fellow mom, message me in regards to how she feels she's judged because she's a stay at home mom in Brooklyn. So I just think this conversation about expectations is so interesting. And I had a quick memory flashback to me after college, I was waitressing and I had just done a gap year traveling, which was kind of uncommon at the time a person I was serving at this table at this restaurant was like, oh, so you, you went to college, a pen, and now you're waitressing. So then what are you gonna do? And I was really offended and annoyed, like who was this stranger? Who was this strange man to be judging my choices.
Kim Rittberg (04:12):
I was like, zip it and eat your hamburger. But obviously I didn't say that <laugh> cuz I wanted a tip <laugh> but it's all to say. It really doesn't matter where you're from your background, your religion, your family structure. There are societal expectations placed on all of us and figuring out what you want. It can be challenging, but it's super important. And today we're talking to Rachel Nielson, the host of three and 30 takeaways podcast. She and I come from very different backgrounds and I loved hearing her perspective and how she came to find what is right for her. Rachel grew up in Colorado in the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, also known as the Mormon faith and the expectations of her culture is that she would be a stay at home mom, but it didn't work for her. She felt depressed and she really missed her career. As a teacher, Rachel will tell you all about her journey from facing down the expectations of her culture and still finding the path that truly works for her. And she'll tell you the path to how she's making money, how she manages to fit all her work in while her kids are at school and what tasks she delegates out. Lastly, how she's expanded her business while only working 20 hours a week.
Rachel Nielson (05:18):
So I live in Haley, Idaho. It's a mountain town and I love it. And I have two kids ages 10 and seven and they're my miracle babies. Noah was adopted my oldest and Sally was conceived through IVF. So it was kind of a long journey to get here and I love being their mom.
Kim Rittberg (05:38):
So what was your aha moment? So you're a teacher and I have to say, I do feel like teaching is amazing. Not only do you get to give so much to the students, but you have summers off. So I think in some ways it sounds like the perfect job for a mom. Right. So talk to me about your decision to leave teaching.
Rachel Nielson (05:53):
Yeah, so I, I wouldn't say that I had had like one moment when I decided to leave teaching, I think that I was raised in a religious culture that sort of taught me that you should stay home with your children. And I didn't question that my mother had stayed home with us, even though she had a master's degree from Harvard. And so I was just like, this is what a good mom does. I just realized, I don't think I can be the mom. I wanna be. And the teacher, I wanna be if I want to be home, you know, in the early afternoon. Right. I, I just, wasn't gonna be able to walk out the door right when school ended and go home and be with my babies because of all the grading that was gonna need to happen.
Kim Rittberg (06:38):
Rachel and her husband just moved to a new place for his dental residency.
Rachel Nielson (06:43):
I didn't wanna start at a new school and build up all of my, you know, credibility with them and then ask for a part-time position. And so I just thought it's, it's time to be done. I'll just give it up. And I was naive thinking like, it'll all be great and I'll be perfectly fulfilled <laugh> cuz that is not what happened. But I was shocked by how much I missed having a career and how much I missed using my gifts and my talents, um, outside of my home. And I missed having colleagues. I missed all of it. I thought like, am I not a good mom? Because I don't love every minute of this. My son was really, really colicky. And so he cried all the time. I felt very ill-equipped to know how to help him with that. And so I really feel like I went through a period of depression in those years of trying to force myself into a role that didn't totally fit me because I thought that it was what I should do. And I thought that if I were a good mom, then I would want to do it. And I would love every minute of it.
Kim Rittberg (07:47):
Rachel said when her son was six back in 2017, she started wanting to do something outside, being a stay-at-home mom.
Rachel Nielson (07:55):
I started writing articles for a website called power of moms. And so I was really, I, I think the key there is I was looking for fulfillment. I was looking for a way to use my skills in my current season. And I was like, I really love to write I'm in this motherhood season where I'm learning a lot. So why don't I look for opportunities to submit my writing and use my gifts that way. And I loved it. And then I started volunteering with them doing some editing and that's when I recorded a podcast with them, for them as a guest. And the host said to me, you are really good at this. You should start your own podcast. And I thought, well, there's an idea.
Kim Rittberg (08:36):
We're going to dive more into Rachel's podcast in a bit. But I wanted to hear from Rachel about her community as a stay-at-home mom in Idaho, what were you hearing and, and seeing from your friends, your mom, friends, were they like mostly home? Were they feeling a little, I would say itchy, you know, feeling itchy, looking for something else. What, what was sort of your, your group group's experience?
Rachel Nielson (08:57):
Yeah, I would say that most of my friends were home with their young children. Um, and I think all moms and all stay at home, moms feel some level of itchiness in that it's hard being a stay at home. Mom is incredibly demanding and exhausting. And I think we all shared that and felt that. But I did recognize that I had an extra level of like yearning to do something more professionally that some of my friends did not have. They did genuine, like as hard as it was, they did want to be home full time with their kids and they felt fulfilled. And when asked, you know, if they wanted to work outside the home most, I think a lot of them would've said, no, I'm very fulfilled with what I'm doing. And whereas I wanted to work outside the home, but felt like I shouldn't want that. And that was kind of the difference between me and a lot of my peers is that I could sense that I had this extra level of desire to do something that some of them did not have.
Kim Rittberg (10:05):
I feel like it's so interesting. Cuz depends on so many things, like you were mentioning about your upbringing before, where you live, you know, what part of the country you're in urban, suburban, rural. Like I feel like these expectations are different everywhere. Like in different pockets, you know, I live in New York and in different pockets almost every couple is like full time. Mm-hmm, <affirmative> both parents working and that's super hard. Like, yeah. And then I started working less, not working necessarily the 50, 60 typical new Yorker work week. And I'm like, where are the moms who wanna grab coffee after a play date? Like nobody's around, you know? So it's yeah, these, these, the way the rhythm of parenting and, and community is, is very different in different places. But I do love how you're bringing up the point of expectations and, and contentment and what makes you happy or not happy? Like you had friends who were stay at home, full-time stay at home and super content, which is fantastic. And then you were not content. So you said I'm gonna do something about it.
Rachel Nielson (11:02):
Yeah. Well, and it does strike me sometimes how the same guilt that I felt wanting to work. I think a lot of women might feel wanting to be home that there were, there are women who are working nine to five, there maybe they got high level degrees and they have worked hard to get, build their career. And inside their heart saying, I want to be home with my babies. I don't wanna do this anymore. And they feel bad. Like I can't give all that up. I can't do that. Like that's crazy. So it totally does depend on what your, where you grew up, what your expectations were, all of those things impact the things that we feel guilty about, which just goes to show you that mom guilt is dumb and <laugh>
Kim Rittberg (11:42):
Right. So in, in some, in some hashtag mom, guilt is dumb. <laugh> exactly
Rachel Nielson (11:48):
That, you know, we really need to be able to access more authenticity than that and say, but what do I really want regardless of these outside factors. And then believe that we can build a life that reflects that what we really want.
Kim Rittberg (12:03):
Your mom went to Harvard and got a master's degree, but she stayed home. I'd love to hear. Did she go back to work when you were older? And you had mentioned that her being home impacted how you felt you wanted to be as a mom and your expectations. Can you tell me a little bit about, about that?
Rachel Nielson (12:18):
Yeah. Um, my mom did not go back to work when we were older, but that's because my mom had breast cancer my whole life. She was diagnosed when I was six and she passed away when I was 19. And so I think that I, well, thank you. And it has been, it's been interesting to me to unpack some of what I thought was happening when I was younger of just, I thought my mom chose this because it's the right thing to do for a mom, the best thing to do. And as an adult, when I look back, I'm like maybe my mom didn't go back to work because she was sick like that. You know, I'm like, so I, I think that I had a lot of perceived things that I put on myself of the right way to do things that may not have even been accurate. You know, if my mom hadn't been so sick, she I'm sure she would've gone back to work at some point, you know, but it's just interesting how we can internalize things when we're younger. I grew up in Colorado. Um, just outside of, just outside of Denver in Littleton, Colorado,
Kim Rittberg (13:29):
You said you were from a religious background. Does that mean most of the moms stayed home or was it more of a mix or
Rachel Nielson (13:35):
Most of the moms stayed home. Um, and there was definitely a cultural expectation that that was what should be done, that, that women should stay home. And you know, I am still part of that same religious tradition, but I've come to realize that that was cultural and not doctrinal. And that, you know, I had a very personal journey figuring out with God directly, like praying and being like, are you okay with this? If I work? And of course, like I had this, I had this revelation, this personal insight that was like, I created you the way that you are for a reason. I gave you the gifts that you are, that you have for a reason. And of course I want you to use them and you don't have to put yourself in a box. Like that's not the way that my love works. You know? And so I think there was a maturation of my faith. There was a, uh, a separation of what was culture and what was true for me. And a lot of that happened in those six years that I was home grappling, trying to figure out how to be a mom, trying to figure out a personalization of my faith. You know, all of those things were really important to me during that time
Kim Rittberg (14:46):
You launched three and 30 takeaways in 2017 and it's been very successful. Right. Mm-hmm <affirmative> yeah.
Rachel Nielson (14:52):
What, it's been really fun.
Kim Rittberg (14:54):
Talk to me about the rollercoaster ride of, it's not easy to be creating a podcast to be doing it for so many years. Talk to me about how it's going, the highs, the lows.
Rachel Nielson (15:04):
Yeah. So when I first started my show, I really started it as more of a passion project as more of an outlet for teaching. I didn't, I couldn't even really conceptualize how I would monetize it. I wouldn't say that was a primary goal. When I initially started it, I was just like, I have got to do something to use my gifts and, uh, very quickly it grew, it, it was a lot of word of mouth, not a lot of strategic growth. It was just moms telling each other about this. I think this was in the early days of podcasting. I started the show because I saw a need. I was frustrated that there wasn't something that was more concise short with the takeaways really outlined for the busy mom that I was. And so I thought I should start that, you know, and I had in my career as a high school English teacher, I had taught students how to take big, complicated, messy ideas and boil them down into thesis statements to boil them down.
Rachel Nielson (16:01):
A lot of times the thesis statement would have three major points with my podcast. Now is we take a big topic having to do with motherhood or parenting. We boil it down to three major points and try to make it as actionable and as accessible and clear as we can for a listener. And so I know in your work, Kim, you talk a lot about using the skills that you've had in your work and sort of iterating them and, and pivoting and using them in whatever new opportunity you want to pursue. And that's exactly what I did though. I don't know if I consciously knew that I was creating episodes, that mirrored, what I had taught my students to do. And it was very effective because moms were sharing about it. They loved it. It was unlike other shows that were out there at that time.
Rachel Nielson (16:48):
And so the show grew quickly and I realized, I think I might have just started a business <laugh> I had never thought of myself as an entrepreneur, as a, as business mind, I had thought people who were business mind were people who were really good at numbers and spreadsheets. I don't know what I thought, you know, and then I came to realize, oh no, people who are good at business or people who are creative people who can serve other human beings and figure out a need and meet it. Those are entrepreneurs that have vision and all the things that I was good at. And so it was really a surprise for me to realize, I love building a business. I had always thought, like, I just love teaching, but I also love the creativity, the business side, the entrepreneur side, that I never would've expected to love. You know, back when I was in the classroom,
Kim Rittberg (17:44):
We learned so much about ourselves through this journey. Huh? It's like, I, I think of myself, if someone had said my dad, dad was an entrepreneur and they said, you're gonna run your own small business. I would've said really. Uh, are you sure? You know, so you learn a lot about yourself along the way. Um, talk to me about making money. You had mentioned, how are you making money off of the podcast? How is it going?
Rachel Nielson (18:04):
Yeah. So in the first couple of years, I, my goal wasn't to make money and looking back, I think if I did it, if I had it to do over again, I would start sooner with those efforts. But again, I wasn't setting out to build the business at first. So it came a little slower. Um, but now the first two years I did not make money. And then the last two and a half I have made, you know, I've tripled my, what I was making as a teacher. And I only worked 20 hours a week.
Kim Rittberg (18:38):
Wow. Pause, pause. You tripled. Okay. You were a teacher and now from doing your podcast, you work 20 hours a week and you tripled your salary.
Rachel Nielson (18:48):
Yeah. And which is amazing, isn't it? It's like it's as shocking to me as anyone else that, that, that, that happened. But I have three main streams of revenue. So I have my podcast advertisements, my sponsorships, I have a journal for moms that I created, that I sell my own physical product. That again was born from a need that I saw in myself and in the community. And I thought, well, I could create that. Um, it's called the flex of gold journal. And then I have a, a learning program. Um, it's not quite a membership community because it's not open enrollment. It's a nine month long program that women sign up and we go through nine pillars of self-assured motherhood, how to become a more self-assured mom, it's a group program. There's about 90 women in the program. And, um, each month we focus on a different topic and theme. So it's almost like the podcast 2.0, like it's, if you want more, the podcast is my free content. If you want more in depth discussions, worksheets to apply access to me, then you join this program. And those are the three major things that I do.
Kim Rittberg (20:03):
How do you make it work if you're working 20 hours a week, right. And you wanna be home after school with your kids, you wanna be there for them. Do you, you make the program be in those working hours that are whatever, 10 to three or 10 to two, whatever it is that you do, you make it fit in those hours.
Rachel Nielson (20:19):
Yes, I do. And I will say that it's a pretty picture. It's a happy ending, tied with the bow when you're like, I work 20 hours a week and I make all this money. I mean, it was a long journey to get there. And there were times early on where I was working more than 20 hours a week trying to, I didn't have a team yet. So I was managing all of the production, all of the editing, all of the details of my show. Um, but little by little I've put systems into place in my business. I've hired people, which was possible once I started making some money. Um, and now I outsource as much of the things that I don't have to do. I give that all away. So a lot, mostly like the content creation and the teaching is what I do and everything else that others can do, that's admin, you know, they take care of that. And so that's how I'm able to work 20 hours a week. Now it was a journey to get here, but so worth it. And, um, I do teach my classes. I, I chose the time that worked for my family to teach the classes and that's been perfect for us. So I teach my class every Wednesday. Um, and then I pick my kids up from school it's once a week that classes, and it's just been a really wonderful balance for me.
Kim Rittberg (21:38):
If someone asks you, what do you do? How do you answer that?
Rachel Nielson (21:43):
I answer that I'm a podcaster, which is interesting.
Kim Rittberg (21:47):
You don't say right. So you don't say I'm a mom with a business on the side.
Rachel Nielson (21:52):
No, I don't say that. I say I I'm a podcaster or I have a podcast and I could give a more general answer and say, I'm an online educator that would encompass more of what I do. But I think, and some, some women who do what I do would give that answer because they might primarily think of themselves. Their core business might be their online courses and they use their podcast just as a way to get people to their online courses, their podcast. Isn't the thing. Their podcast is just a marketing, basically a marketing tool to get people to the thing.
Kim Rittberg (22:29):
Is there friction? So is there friction, because you say your religious background has sort of informed a lot of your life. Is there a friction in your mind that you don't say I'm a mom first and a podcaster second? Like if, yeah. Is there any friction there?
Rachel Nielson (22:43):
Not anymore. There's no friction. And that's been a, that's been a long journey for me to get to that point and I've even have, have had friends comment. It makes me so happy now to hear you say and own what you do instead of sort of making it sound like a little side note or a little something that you do on the side, you know, they're and these are my friends that are in my religious community that have made different life decisions than I have that are saying that is amazing that you're doing this and that you're owning it now. And so, again, going back to just a lot of the stuff that I carried was perceived, it was, I thought people would judge me. I thought that I would be a bad mom. I, it was all in my head and when I let it go, the people who really love me and deserve to be in my life are happy for me. You know? And that's really, I've really seen that over the last five years,
Kim Rittberg (23:41):
So much is in our brain and is not in the world. Um, uh, what, what has been the hardest part of all of it for you?
Rachel Nielson (23:51):
The hardest part for me has been managing my own self care while also managing these other two roles of podcaster and mom. But where I do skimp is my own self care and the things that aren't as fun for me to do, like exercising, eating, nourishing meals, all those things that I'm like, eh, that can wait, I'd rather work on this work project.
Kim Rittberg (24:17):
Are you happy?
Rachel Nielson (24:18):
Yes, I am very happy. And I recently heard a quote that struck me. It said the happiest people are those who realize they are. And I think sometimes in the busyness of my life, cuz I do get stressed with all of this happening. I don't stop to realize, oh my gosh, I'm living my dream life. I am home with my kids. I'm doing work that I love. I'm balancing both. How lucky am I to have built this flexible, empowering world <laugh> for myself? You know, um, how privileged am I to even have the option? You know? And so it's important for me to stop and realize how that I am happy, cuz I am very happy,
Kim Rittberg (25:06):
A big thanks to Rachel Nielson. She hosts three and 30 takeaways podcast, a podcast where in every half hour you walk away with three solid tips on a variety of topics, which you should listen to and you can find it linked out in the show notes, her site and her Instagram are three and 30 podcast. Rachel talked about her struggle with being home with her kids and having cultural expectations set that didn't really work for her. So I wanted to bring in Dr. Lisa Damour, host of ask Lisa the psychology of parenting podcast about how to make these big life decisions and how to decide what's right for you. As a parent first, there has been a lot written on the benefits of being a mom who works outside the home versus being a mom who works within the home or a stay-at-home mom. Her answer is very reassuring.
Dr. Lisa Damour (25:54):
Well we've studied this. Yeah, no we've studied it. And I love the answer to this question. It's there's no benefit that always falls to the parents who work outside the home or parents who work within the home. The benefit falls when the parents are happy with their arrangement. So if you have someone who is someone who works from home or who's, you know, not working outside the home for somebody else who doesn't wanna be doing that, it's not good for kids. And if you have somebody who wants to be home and is working outside the home and doesn't wanna be doing that, it's not good for kids. So what's good for kids is that the parent is doing what the parent wants to be doing
Kim Rittberg (26:38):
For moms going through a life change or considering a life change. What should they also think about in terms of their relationship with their partner? Not just with their kids, but also with their partner?
Dr. Lisa Damour (26:48):
Well, the word partner here is the magic word, right? Do you have a true partner in this? Do you have somebody who is not just prepared, but actually excited to support your growth? And, and that's the way I would think about it is that this is about growth, right? When we're expanding into new professional opportunities, trying things out that we haven't done before, changing our patterns, we're growing and growth. Isn't always comfortable. <laugh> growth can be real, but you need someone who's supporting that growth. And so the more realistic you can be about what the demands will be on the system, the more realistic you can be about the kind of supports that will make a big difference. The more together you can strategize about what adjustments might need to be made to make it all work and make it all fit together. I think the more promising this all sounds to me, I would be very aware of a partner who wasn't able to be flexible. Wasn't interested in being flexible. Um, that doesn't mean it's a non-starter, but it means that other forms of support are gonna have to come in to make up for the support that the partner's not in a position to provide.
Kim Rittberg (28:11):
How can finding the right situation impact the whole family?
Dr. Lisa Damour (28:16):
Well, it's enormously hard to be a parent and an employee at the same time. There's just no getting around that reality. There just are not enough hours in the day and it can also be an incredible gift to be a parent and an employee. At the same time, I have two kids. I have a daughter who's 11 and a daughter who is 18. I absolutely love being a mom. And if it, if I were a full-time mom, I would not be nearly as happy as I am as being a mom who has my devoted time with my daughters and also my devoted time to my professional life. So work and home can absolutely enter into competition with one another, but there's also a reality that they can support each other, that getting to go to work or getting to have a full professional rich life can actually make us, um, happier at home. And, um, being happy at home can also make work feel better, but it can be a delicate balance because there's only so much of us to go around. And so the way that I like to think about it is from an allergic standpoint, like how much do we have energy for and how much support do we have to do the things we need to do?
Kim Rittberg (29:26):
You can hear more from Lisa on her podcast, ask Lisa the psychology of parenting, which will be linked out in the show notes. She's also the author of under pressure and untangled. I like to end the podcasts with a nice real mom, moment, something sweet or funny. And this one is from Nick Marie, a content creator. I mean, truly she's a TikTok star and you can find her on TikTok at Nick unplugged on Instagram at Nicki Marie.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
So to me, motherhood really is about listening to long, many times made up stories. So for example, I picked my son up from pre-K yesterday and he said, mom, a boy in my class got stung by a B today. And I said, really? He said, yep. The B was in the room during nappy bedtime. And I mean, I had, I, I fully believed him. Why wouldn't I, I mean, this is a story of a bee. Why would this be made up? And he went on and said the bee was in the classroom and we were trying to sleep. And um, then the boy didn't see it on his leg and then it stung him and I'm like, when would he ever call a kidness class? The boy. So that's when I was on to him. And uh, he continued to tell me the whole thing about how the boy said it felt like when he has to get a shot at the doctor's office, it didn't hurt that much.
Nicki Marie (30:55):
It was just a little pinch. He was very brave. He didn't even cry. I said, wow, good for him. Who was it? And he said, it was Graham. I said, oh, I know Graham Graham lives down the street. His sister's broke. And he said, no, actually it wasn't Graham. It was Owen. I said, oh, okay. And then I looked at my rear view mirror to see his face. And he was still pondering something like three minutes later. And then from there, he, he just said, mom, actually, no one got stung by a B. I was like, okay, bud. So, I mean, you just, you just have to let them do their story tellers thing and imagine, and like, listen, stories are all about using your imagination. So as long as our kids in today's digital day and age are still using their imagination, I'm gonna just listen loudly. I love it.
Kim Rittberg (31:53):
So what'd you think, let us know you can DM me on Instagram at Kim Rittberg, or you can go to www.kimrittberg.com and hit contact. Tell us what you loved or what you want us to cover next. And please call the show in apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen, please leave a five star rating and a review. And I'd love it. If you share it with other people who would find it valuable. I mean, how can you not find the show valuable? <laugh> and again, this is mom's exit interview. I'm your host and executive producer, Kim Rittberg. The show is produced by Henry street media. John Hallit is our editor and Aliza Friedlander is our producer and publicist. Let's see you. Next thing.