Ep.47 / How to Ask the Right Questions in a Job Interview: Career Coach Chris Castillo
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Your job questions - answered! Chris Castillo is based in Colorado and runs Empowered Achievers. She was in advertising, realized it was NOT her dream job, and shifted away into career coaching. She will advise you on how to find your career path, what questions to ask yourself, and what questions to ask during a job interview to make sure it’s truly a fit and is family-friendly. She also explains how to tackle imposter syndrome and so much more!
Plus Rebekah Diamond, a pediatrician and author of Parent Like a Pediatrician, has her top 5 takeaways on how to moderate your kids’ screen time.
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In this episode you will learn:
The first 3 things you need to do if you’re considering switching careers
How to decide what career you really want for yourself
What to ask in an interview
Show Takeaways:
Are you ready to release the pressure of “what should I be doing”? Are you confused about where to go from here?
You’ve been asking for it and today I have a career coach on the podcast. Chris Castillo is based in Colorado and runs Empowered Achievers. She was in advertising, realized it was NOT her dream job, and shifted away into career coaching. She will advise you on how to find your career path, what questions to ask yourself, and what questions to ask during a job interview to make sure it’s truly a fit and is family-friendly. She also explains how to tackle imposter syndrome and so much more!
Plus Rebekah Diamond, a pediatrician and author of Parent Like a Pediatrician, has her top 5 takeaways on how to moderate your kids’ screen time.
“There is not one magical job that is just a secret math equation that we need to solve and all of a sudden we figure it out and that is our thing.”
“Building a fulfilling career is more about understanding yourself first.”
“When it comes to interviews, figure out what's important to you and then ask questions accordingly.”
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EPISODE LINKS:
Chris’s Website -Empowered Achievers
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Kim (00:02):
Your top career questions answered, okay, not by me, but career coach Chris Castillo of Empowered Achievers. Should you pivot? Should you quit? What questions should you ask in an interview, especially to make sure it's truly family friendly? How can you find out the path you're meant to be on? Plus, Chris has the very first three things you need to do if you're considering switching careers.
(00:27):
This is mom's exit interview the show for moms who want to craft the career and life they want. Each episode, you'll meet inspirational moms across various industries and levels who are working and living life on their own terms, and they'll bring you actionable tips from finance to business development to happiness, to crushing that imposter syndrome. I'm Kim rit. I was a burnt out media executive at Netflix, US Weekly and in TV news. I wanted a career where I was fulfilled at work but present at home with my kids. So I started working for myself and I love it, but not every day was easy or is easy. I wanted to explore with all of you how other moms were creating careers on their own terms. They're carving out flex jobs, starting their own businesses. They're taking back control. Join me and make work work for you instead of the other way around.
(01:30):
Thank you so much for listening and for sending me in your feedback. I read every single note and I'll read some out at the end of the show. Don't forget to follow the show. You click that little plus button, read it, review it, and share it with your friends. This has been such a word of mouth project and is so incredible to hear all the amazing feedback. So please share it with your friends and if you have a business and you want to grow, my company focuses on making videos and podcasts so that companies can attract more clients and grow their revenue. Cha-Ching. I even won some big awards sincere for my clients, which has been super exciting. So drop me a line if you want to learn more and see how I can help you. Today's episode, I know what you're really excited for because you've told me you want to hear from a career coach. I listened to you. So we have Chris Castillo here. She's based in Colorado and runs Empowered Achievers. Chris was in advertising, she realized it was not her dream job and she shifted away into career coaching. She'll advise you how to find your career path, what questions you need to ask yourself, what questions to ask during the job interview to make sure it's truly a fit and is family friendly, plus how to tackle imposter syndrome and so much more. Chris, thank you so much for joining us. I'm really excited to talk to you.
Chris (02:41):
Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.
Kim (02:43):
You're going to unlock the key to everything for our listeners.
Chris (02:47):
That's the hope, that's the goal.
Kim (02:49):
And so you run Empowered Achievers, which helps millennials take ownership of their professional life by identifying their true calling
Chris (02:57):
And really focusing high achievers specifically within that segment.
Kim (03:03):
I love that. How did you get into doing that? I understand you had an epiphany and we love epiphanies here. Talk to me about how you got into this coaching.
Chris (03:11):
Yeah, so the reason I started my business six years ago now was because ultimately Empowered Achievers is a business that I needed when I went through my own existential crisis within my career, which is I think often how it goes with coaches. We often end up working with folks who are going through what we went through in the past. And yes, I did have a bit of an epiphany. I originally come from the world of advertising and at my peak within that industry, I worked at an ad agency in San Francisco. We were the agency of record for Google, so I worked on mobile media buying specifically for YouTube Chrome, some of their different properties, and it was the thing that I thought was my dream job that while I was there, I realized was not my dream job and in turn spun out into a complete existential crisis of Oh my gosh, this is what I always thought I wanted. What do I actually want? How do I know what I actually want? How can I ever trust myself to make a career decision again? All of those fun things. And so eventually I got through it and was able to transition my career into something more fulfilling, and that is why I started Empowered Achievers, was to help people who are going through that train, same transition, do it in an easier way because I know when I did it, I felt very alone.
Kim (04:23):
How long did it take for you to go from this is not right, what am I doing to finding the right path for you, which was a coach?
Chris (04:31):
It was a process overall, I would say if we look at it in chunks, when I first started having those doubts versus when I transitioned into employee talent development culture, which was our internal, within my same ad agency, our internal training team, which was ultimately the role that got me onto the track to where I am today. That was a year to two years, and then it's been a couple more years before I started my business in 2016.
Kim (04:56):
And how many kids do you have and how old are they?
Chris (04:58):
I have a two and a half year old and I am currently pregnant.
Kim (05:02):
Oh, yay, Bravo. Yeah. Yeah, I was like going to weird give you a weird golf clap, but instead, yes, that doesn't translate to the podcast and I'm not sure why I was going to give you a golf clap, but that's okay.
Chris (05:12):
You know what? Yeah, I get it.
Kim (05:14):
So Chris, I'm going to ask you a question that I love because people ask this, they send this feedback in to mom's exit interview. How do you find the right career for you?
Chris (05:24):
So it's such a good question. It's such a big question. I think there's a few thoughts to this, but I think the first thing that in my mind is most important to understand if you're going about this is to me purpose is not a vocation. There is not one magical job that is just a secret math equation that we need to solve for that all of a sudden we figure it out and that is our thing. And I think it's really important to understand that first because in my mind, all of the steps you take to build a more engaging and fulfilling career ride on the back of that, the reason we have this issue is because a lot of the folks I work with, and I imagine a lot of your listeners as well run into the situation where they love black and white thinking.
(06:07):
They love to think that there is one answer and all they need to do is solve for it. It's the classic problem of these super ambitious women where they're like, find the problem, execute, solve the problem, move on. And I'm like, it's not really that simple. Ultimately, I think building a fulfilling career is more about understanding yourself first and what are the levers that you can pull? What are the things that are engaging to me? What type of stuff am I engaged by? Not even specifically just the tasks, but what can these things tell me about who I am and what I need in order to feel engaged and then how can I build a career around that? So it's kind of a bigger question that you need to answer, which can be I always say is the good and the bad news because I'm like, yes, I know it would be really convenient if we could take a test and say, here's your thing. But I don't think it necessarily works super well that way because there tends to be issues with the quote dream job approach.
Kim (07:00):
So if you were to delineate steps, let's say someone's really in that moment, they're like, I know what I'm doing isn't right, but I don't know which way to go. What are the first three steps you'd recommend they take?
Chris (07:12):
Yeah, so they're actually three steps in terms of the overall process of, okay, I'm not feeling engaged by my work. Something's off. I don't know exactly what it is. The first step is all about releasing the pressure of what you should be doing. And to me, this is the step step that always gets skipped because people want to go straight into tell me what I want, tell me what I do like. And I always like to say, hold up, time out. Let's figure out why we're here in the first place. Because if you're in a career that is not a good fit and is not necessarily engaging or fulfilling, there's a reason why we're in that place. And so oftentimes there could be a few reasons to it, but one of the most concerning ones that I see for a lot of people is having built a career off of what looks good to other people.
(07:54):
Because you don't have clarity around what is actually important to you. You kind of look externally and you're like, okay, well what's a good job? And you kind of just grab onto something, hold on and write it until all of a sudden in this spot where you feel completely off. That was my experience. I didn't know what to do. And so, well, I guess I was a business major marketing emphasis, searching marketing in the LinkedIn toolbar, ba a boom, and then you fall into a career. And so first I think it's important to understand why you're there in the first place and release the pressure of what you should be doing because I think if you are taking an externally driven approach to your career and looking to other people for answers, you're not going to build a career for you and it's never going to scratch the itch that you need it to.
(08:37):
Second, once you've kind of gotten through that piece and all of the yucky stuff that you have to confront first, then you can look into, okay, well what is it that is actually engaging to me? And so within there I break down two main categories of needs within your career. There is what you are doing and how you are doing it. So what needs are all about what type of work I'm doing as a whole is the content of work that I'm working on engaging to me and then how needs are pretty much everything else. It's all the logistics, all of the what are my hours, what is my manager, what is my pay? Is there capacity for me to have work-life balance, et cetera. Those are your how needs and it's important to get a handle on both of those and to think of them as very separate because in my mind, people often conflate these as one big thing when in reality you need to make the distinction between the two of those because if you are solving for the wrong problem, you are never going to fix the problem.
(09:33):
And what I mean by that is if you are in a role that is fundamentally not fulfilling to the content of work that you are driven by, you could have the best hours, you could have the best manager, you could have the best pay, and it's still going to feel like something's quite often you can't put your finger on it. And so we need to flush out what are your needs in terms of how you work best and what type of stuff is engaging to you, so who you are being when you're most engaged. That's where with my clients, we work on building a larger purpose statement and then based on all those things, the third step is really figuring out what that means, where you can go from here. So once you understand what good for you looks like, once you understand that kind of X would be the basics of an aligned fulfilling career, you can kind of use it as a rubric.
(10:20):
So that can help you assess out, where do I go from here? So is there a way for me to shift my existing role to be a better fit? Is there a way for me to change roles within the same company? If I like the organization, which is personally what I did, is there a way for me to change within the same industry? Last but not least, is there a way for me to do something else entirely? And so there are all kind of lines of defense you can take, but it's going to be completely contingent upon understanding what are the things that are important to you, understanding where the gaps are within your current role, and then asking, okay, how do I fix these gaps? Do I start my own thing? What of these things that I could potentially do is most stacked up or most aligned to what I now know I need?
Kim (11:02):
What advice do you have? I think a lot of people as they're in that process of what's next or starting over, starting over is scary. So what advice do you have for someone who's starting over either in a new career or sort of a pivot
Chris (11:16):
To things like one? First and foremost? I think it's important to know that you don't always necessarily need to start over because I think that's a secret fear that's brewing for a lot of people that they think to themselves, oh my gosh, I've spent so much time building this. I don't want to have to throw everything in the bin for what it's worth. Sometimes it is more of a pivot like you mentioned. So I just want to call that out because I think for some people it stops them from looking because they're scared of the answer they're going to find. So keep that in mind. But then beyond that, if they do opt to do something that is more new, or even if it's a different role or that same role somewhere else, there is often a lot of yuckiness that comes with starting something new somewhere else.
(11:58):
I think imposter syndrome is a huge issue for a lot of the folks I work with. Unfortunately, it seems to be very, very prevalent in women specifically. And so it's this huge issue of going in and feeling like you've gone from somewhere where you've been the expert and you've known all the things and you were comfortable, and then taking yourself out of that comfort zone and putting yourself in a more vulnerable place. And that can bring up a lot of discomfort for people. And so I think it's really important to be aware of that. Be aware of, am I feeling uncertain at this new role because it's challenging me and it's okay, or am I feeling uncertain because something's off? Because I think that can be a really hard distinction for people to make. So that would be, I think one thing I would definitely keep in mind, if you are starting really anywhere new or anything new, you might have feelings about it and that can be a normal non alarming part of the process potentially.
Kim (12:50):
And what would you recommend to tackling imposter syndrome? Like you said, a lot of people face that.
Chris (12:55):
Yeah, I mean I think there are so many important things, but in my opinion, one of the most crucial is starting with the self earth piece. I think for a lot of the people who are struggling with this, it's feeling really confronted feeling like this is a very vulnerable place to be feeling like they're often looking for that external validation. This tends to be the same folks who want to hear constant praise from their manager. And even when they're hearing that, they still kind of secretly think they're going to get fired in the back of their head, it tends to go hand in hand. It's like this ever-present concern when it comes to their career. And so I think a lot of that is working on that internal validation versus the external validation and starting to understand one, I'm here for a reason. Two, one of the best things I told myself for the imposter syndrome is I always say, I'm like, I'm not that sneaky.
(13:47):
And that to me is my go-to mantra whenever I start to feel confronted by this is I'm not that clever. I'd love to think that this is all a long con, and every single thing that's gotten me here the last six years has been because I've manipulated people and totally tricked them into it. But that's not really true. I can't even really tell a white lie to my kid about her Halloween candy, so there's no way that I could pull that off. And so I think that's the silly one, but to me it's actually a very helpful one of, I'm not that good, I'm not that clever, just not.
Kim (14:17):
I like that idea of why would we think we're tricking people? We're not tricking people. And by the way, about Halloween candy, my daughter said to me, mommy, I heard a statistic that 60% of parents sneak their kids candy. I'm like, wow, where did you learn that? And then she said, but you don't do that, do you? I said, no, of course not. And then on Halloween she said, give me every Twix and kick at you get. I don't need to sneak. If you give me what's rightfully not correct,
Chris (14:44):
Correct. It is. It's an exchange where it's all open. Oh my gosh, that's so funny. I love it.
Kim (14:48):
I love that. And then it's about what you were saying about imposter syndrome. I've heard that there's that funny phrase, if men have 50% of the attributes, they feel appropriate applying for the job, and if women have 80%, they feel appropriate applying for it. Do you see that in your practice that there is sort of an imbalance?
Chris (15:06):
A hundred percent. Yeah. I think the confidence code talks a lot about that, and I think it's so relevant here. And yes, unfortunately it is a really common pattern. I think confidence is such a big piece, and I think there's also this other layer for a lot of the women that I work with where because they've made a choice within their career in the past that didn't work out the way they wanted it to it, they've decided later that it wasn't what they wanted. They start to then have this real erosion of internal trust, which then makes them second guess everything. And so it's all these compounding fla factors that just knock at someone's confidence.
Kim (15:45):
It, it's interesting, the process of finding a career or a job or a situation that is good for you as a parent, I think is a different, different planning. I feel like when I was in my twenties way before the horizon of babies came on, people would be like, oh, those companies are really family friendly or give you a lot of flexibility. I'm like, I don't care. I want to do what I like. Yeah, I want to do what lights me off. So I started working in TV and I started working in digital media and then you know, came from ad agency. There are certain industries that are known to be hard. The hours are hard. So media is one of them. Ad agency is another one. Finance is very tough. Law is very tough. So I think people, once you have kids, you realize, is there a way to sort out as you're searching to make a change, to find things that are more compatible with the life you want?
Chris (16:31):
Yes. That's such a good question because I think you are very right. I mean agency world, I remember one working mom who worked at my agency who I notably remember, whoever left to pick up her kids. That was just not a thing. Their whole kind of operating model, to be honest, seems to be at least hiring a bunch of young 20 somethings who want to be on mad men, burning them out and then hiring the next batch when they're done. Totally, totally. Unfortunately a thing. I think when it comes to figuring out which one might be a good fit in general, my feedback on that is always kind of the same, which is figure out what are your must-haves, figure out what is important to you within a role first. Otherwise you run the risk of going in somewhere and getting blinded by the shiny thing of they have kombucha on tap or whatever when, and then you forget to ask questions about what is your family leave policy or something like that.
(17:25):
So figure out what's important to you and then ask questions accordingly. And I think if you can ask behaviorally based interview questions, so the kind that people have been on the receiving end of, tell me about a time when da, if you can ask those same kind of questions of have you ever had a situation in which one of your employees was trying to balance family and work and what did you do to support them in that? Or something like that. You can get a better answer about how a company would actually respond versus hypothetically respond. Because of course the analogy is everyone likes to think they're going to be the person to stand up to a bank robber, but I can guarantee someone who's actually been in that situation can probably tell me more accurately how they would respond versus me who would be like, I would back flip off the table and then do this and I would not.
Kim (18:15):
I'd be like, well, the one time that someone had a weapon, I yelled really loud and I tried to get attention. What are some other questions that someone going into an interview could ask? Because I love your tip to make it specific, because I feel like when I've been on the receiving end of interviews and on the giving end of interviews, the specific questions are better, they do lead to more. And so what are some other questions you recommend asking to find the truth of a company?
Chris (18:41):
Yeah, so I think to that point, right, generic questions get generic answers, just depends on what's most important to you. But I think exactly that. Tell me about a time when, can you give me an example when X characteristic is really important to me. So having somewhere where I can balance work in my family is really important to me because X, Y, and Z, it allows me to be my best self. It allows me to feel like a contributing member of the team when I feel like my rest of my life is valued. So can you tell me how you value that as well? Things like that. That's a great format though if you're kind of drawing a blank on a question is X is important to me because how do you value that too?
Kim (19:19):
I love that when people shift or pivot or start over, do they always have to take a pay cut?
Chris (19:25):
No, I mean it just completely depends, but no is the short answer. There are ways that you can pivot. There are ways that you can sidestep. There are ways that you can step into your own thing. I think part of the problem is the black and white thinking of assuming if I were to do that, then I would have to start over and take a complete pay cut and it stops people from looking when in reality that's not necessarily always the case.
Kim (19:46):
Are there ways to research, let's say someone is going from one industry to another. Are there ways that they can research before even going through the very arduous process of interviewing and networking? Are there ways to say maybe this is a pay cut, maybe this is not a pay cut?
Chris (20:01):
Yeah, I think that's exactly the question that people ought to be asking, right? Because what I always say is an empowered choice is an informed choice. So instead of assuming if I were to do X, I would make less, we would want you to instead say, okay, let me look into what X even entails. So let me maybe talk to someone who works in ed industry asks how it stacks stacks up against the things that are important to me. Let me ask, it depends on your comfort of with the person, but you might not be comfortable asking them in terms of what is entry level salary in this position or something like that. What is an average? But you can also always look online, do things like that, try and find comparable salaries based on your actual location, but definitely important to research that beforehand because then it can make this thing that feels like the boogeyman under your bed come a little bit more clear and then it's less overwhelming and scary.
Kim (20:52):
The stories we make up in our minds are always way scarier than real life. That's what I've learned from myself. I'm like, all these things are going to happen and three months later, none of those things happen. So
Chris (21:03):
Worst case scenario, and it's a total challenge because I have the tendency to be what I call an anticipatory worrier as well. And you can assume, well, I was right this once and so that means I'm always going to be right. And I'm like, no, no, no. Broken clock is right twice a day as they say. So
Kim (21:21):
For moms who are getting back into the workforce and don't know what they should do, what steps do you recommend they take? And is that different from a person who's not in that life stage?
Chris (21:31):
Yeah, well, so I guess it depends if are they're, it's different obviously if you're going back from mat leave versus if you are kind of revisiting after taking some time off. I think first question is always, okay, how did my career beforehand stack up against what's actually important to me? So I would always start by asking that because I think a lot of people default to, they're like, well, I was a X, Y, and Z before, let me just go type it into the search bar and see what happens. So I would always first try and do a little inner reflection first to clarify before you go back, because again, it's easier to make that change fresh versus when you're kind of already in it. That's also why so many people reach out to do this work when they're on mat leave because it gives them the time and the space to think about these things. So clarify I guess first how your past role stacked up and then try and get a better understanding of are there tweaks, are there things that I want to shift or where am I looking? Because again, I think clarity before action is always the way to go. So that's in general biggest tip on really anyone approaching their career or reevaluating it is clarify first because it's going to make it faster in the long run.
Kim (22:43):
And would you say, I feel like it's just anything else, try to find network to find people who are in those fields and in those areas to get a real world perspective. Cause I think a lot of times people go onto Google or they start reading books or researching, but it's hard to really understand what a career looks like. I think it's the same when you graduate college. Some of my most valuable networking calls where I remember talking to this lady who was working at a radio station or something like that, she was really nice and she was an alumni of my same college. She gave me some time and talked to me, lovely person. I got off the phone thinking, I do not want to work in that field. That does not seem like a match for me. But it was so valuable because no is just as valuable as a yes. So I think that's the other, I think context people have is the last time I did this search was when I was 22 and finishing college. Do you recommend the same sort of process where it's ask yourself the questions and then network with people even if it's first, second, third degree, try to figure out talking to people in those industries and get really real perspective.
Chris (23:46):
Yeah, absolutely. I mean don't try and narrow it down on your own for sure. That's a very good thing to mention because yeah, we don't want to do this in a silo. I think the way you do it is by having information so you can make an informed choice. Informational interviews are absolutely the best way to do that. Getting to chat with people and learn the realities of a role. So once you've understood, okay, here are the things that make me tick and what are important to me, here are five, let's say things that I'm considering within my consideration set. How do each of them stack up with what I say that I need? Well, let me talk to people in each of those places so that I can see how they actually stack up. Because again, thinking about things in hypotheticals is just very different from talking to someone who's in the same space. For sure.
Kim (24:30):
Sometimes people jump to saying, okay, let me get another career, like a degree or certificate. Are there ways before going through that both money investment and also time investment that people can sort of dip their toe in and say, do I really want to dedicate 1, 2, 3 years of my life studying this before going into it? Are there ways to test that out?
Chris (24:49):
Yeah, I mean there are always things like certifications, things like that. If you can take a small course on something or even go to Udemy and explore something a little bit and see if there are a few things that you can learn about it, that could always be an option. But I think most importantly, again, even just clarifying, talking to those people as we talked about before in those informational interviews, to get an idea of where it would take you before you start down that path is always going to be better because that is unfortunately a really classic problem that we see with people. For things like additional education going to get a master's, people do it because they're lacking clarity. So they think to themselves, okay, I'm going to go get this, I'm going to go to grad school and then that's going to fix it. And they think that they're going to have an aha moment light bulb while they are there. And unfortunately I've heard of from a lot of people on the back end saying, well, the bad news is I didn't have the epiphany I was hoping for and I'm still in the same place. And so I always say Before you make an expensive investment, let's clarify that you're doing that because we want to do that and not because we don't know what else to do and this seems like an option that's going to solve it for us.
Kim (25:56):
And for listeners, you to me is an online course platform. Cause I was like you to me, I just looked that up.
Chris (26:02):
Oh yeah.
Kim (26:03):
And you focus on millennials. How do you see that cohort being different than others?
Chris (26:08):
Yeah, so I mean it's evolved over time because now that bucket has now kind of shifted into millennial Gen Z, but a lot of people, I would say most often from their mid twenties to forties, going through that phase of realizing that, Hey, this isn't necessarily what I want before, I would say it's like the midlife crisis that has now come earlier for a lot of folks and in general for millennials, I think there's so many layers to this because there's a lot of reputation for millennials of they're just expecting so much from their careers and they want to feel fulfilled and I didn't need to feel fulfilled coming from their boomer parents. And it's a really interesting push and pull there from a lot of my clients and their families and all the challenges that brings up. But in general, we tend to see some of the people who are going through this of realizing life is short, careers are short. I think the pandemic has brought this on a lot for people of, oh my gosh, where am I spending my time? Am I happy with where I'm spending my time? Is this what I want to be focused on? I think there's been a real shift in realizing that our careers take up a lot of our lives and more and more people are becoming uncompromising in terms of I don't want to just go in and push a button and go home and feel nothing inside.
Kim (27:24):
Well, I think that's a great place to be thinking about where we want to go and where we want to be. I think that our older generation felt like, yeah, you get your paycheck or you get your paper weight for working somewhere and there wasn't this expectation that it has to bring fulfillment, but we also work for longer hours, longer weeks and more of our life, and both men and women now all are in the workforce. It was different I think then 50 years ago. And so I think it is a natural, we talk a lot about this on mom's ex interview. It's a natural thing that people want to find fulfillment out of their career. We spend so much time there and you get satisfaction out of work no matter what your industry is or what level people get satisfaction out of it. And so I think, yeah, it's worth pursuing this reflective process that you've gone through.
Chris (28:09):
Yeah, absolutely. And actually there's, to your point, just to underscore it a little bit, there is a book by an author named Aaron Hurst that's called, I think it's The Purpose Economy, but it talks about this idea of purpose. And one of the things he argues, which to me was just always really interesting is one of the reasons why there is such a shift in interest in terms of people wanting to pursue purpose is that historically for a lot of millennials, they were coming into the workforce or newly in the workforce during 2008 recession. And so for a lot of them they kind of looked around and it felt like the veil was lifted of, oh my gosh, my parents, they were at their job for 40 years and they had a pension, but that's not really a thing anymore that doesn't exist. And so one of the things he argues is that because they did not have stability in terms of financial stability, so they've kind of realized, hey, the company is not going to be there financially for me. They once were, well, my stability is going to be in terms of doing something that I'm engaged with. And so it's kind of just finding stability somewhere else of, well, you're not going to provide it for me, so I'm going to make my own level of comfort because I'm always going to be doing what's right for me and making decisions that are based on fulfillment and doing something that feels purposeful. And so I think that's just an interesting shift as to why that might have happened.
Kim (29:27):
Thanks so much to Chris for joining us. I loved a lot of that advice and here's a few that stood out to me as I'm processing it, figuring out your what needs and your how needs the what is saying, what type of work do you do that lights you up and your how is what sort of logistical needs do you have? Ask yourself those important questions. Also, self-awareness and self-reflection are such a big part of this. Plus you don't always need to start over. You can pivot, you could pivot industries, you could pivot within your own company. There'll be a great blog post with all this information. So check out moms exit interview.com and you can sign up for the newsletter and you can find Chris Costello at Empowered Achievers. She has a free workshop or you can reach out to her to do one-on-one work often. At the end of the show, I like to have a real mom share a story, a funny sh story or a sweet story, but today I wanted to bring in Rebekah Diamond, a pediatrician who has a book called Parent like a Pediatrician, which is something we all obviously want, and she has some awesome tips about screen time. She offers her five top takeaways about how to moderate your kids' screen time.
Rebekah (30:32):
Hi there. My name is Rebekah Diamond and I'm a pediatrician mother and author of the book Parent Like a pediatrician. It's the book I wish I had had when I was an overwhelmed new mom and I'm so excited it's out there. Our society is really trying to make parenting impossible with unrealistic expectations and constant guidance that undermines your much earned parental confidence. It seems like even the most basic decisions have become needlessly stressful. I talk a lot in my book and on Instagram about how to take a step back. Remember that you are the expert in your kid. You should feel empowered to use safe realistic guidance to make daily choices for you and your family. No worry needed. Here's a perfect example that I wanted to share. It's about the Wild West of screen time recommendations. It seems like screen time rules are causing really increasing parental stress, lots of confusion, and the more we learn about the complex science behind them, the less we seem to understand about how to make realistic recommendations.
(31:28):
I'm asked frequently by busy parents about how they should limit their screen use for their children. I think it's a great question. It's important to be mindful for sure, but it turns out my answer is very different from pediatrician and parents alike. Here's what I have to say on the topic, screens are a part of our daily lives. I know my daughter will grow up in a society where they're going to impact her day-to-day functioning. It's a fact that she's going to need to learn how to interface with screens in many forms. It's why I wish that there are recommendations that acknowledge and even embrace this essential truth. It's the recommendations that I like to give and what I've outlined in my book chapter, and I'm here to give you my top five takeaway points from that chapter so you can start your screen time moderation right now and get rid of all the needless stress.
(32:14):
Here's my first point. Remember, screens are ubiquitous. It's time to embrace them. Taking an abstinence approach probably is not going to work in the majority of cases. Reframing and focusing how your baby and toddler and older child are going to interact with screens is almost certainly the way to go. My second point is that less is more, and this is especially true for younger kids and into the first year, the time limits that you'll see are based on pretty weak studies. So I try not to have parents focus on an hour per day limit, and I certainly don't advocate for a zero tolerance absolute band. I think more about week to week daily averages and work from there. Number three is that screens are not all created equal. I think this is a point that often gets lost in the conversation, but using a screen in an interactive way, snuggling on the couch and watching a movie or playing a game together on a tablet, and especially things like FaceTime and video chat, that's a totally different beast and it's not the same as strapping your kid in and putting on YouTube.
(33:16):
Number four is that screen time can be negative space. So instead of focusing on what not to do, maybe re-shift your thinking into what you can do. If you're doing a lot of screen time, there's probably a reason maybe there's something going on in your life that makes the benefits of screen time really outweigh the potential risks, and that's okay. The extra energy that you get from the shift might lead you hopefully to doing more together time to do higher quality activities together in the non-screen time moments. My last point is that remember, sometimes it's really just survival of the fittest. If you're going to the doctor's office or on a plane ride or maybe you're just exhausted, you had a really long day of work and you need to turn on the TV so that you can regain your sanity, that's okay. It's okay not to worry too much about exactly what's going on and just get through the moment knowing that in the end it will all balance out and you'll find the pattern and the coping and everything that works best for your family.
(34:16):
I hope that helps kind of reclaim a little bit of your parenting journey for you. Just with those few steps help you de-stress and remember that the best most important part of parenting is that it can be joyful and that it's okay to prioritize yourself and your needs and trust yourself. When you are on this journey, it's what's going to make your child happiest and healthiest is if you yourself are happiest and healthiest. And remember, I'm a pediatrician. I'm here to look out for kids, so I don't make that statement lightly. If you have any questions, please find me on Instagram at parent like a pediatrician. I would love to hear from you and I promise you got this.
Kim (35:01):
Thank you so much for listening. Make sure to drop a review and if you want to send in a real mom moment that we'll share on the air, check out moms exit interview.com. And if you're a professional or small business owner looking to grow your brand through amazing content with no silly dances and with no burnout, check out my website, kim rit bird.com and you can hit contact to chat with me. And thanks for listening. Like this is the most amazing community you guys send in the best feedback, so share it with your friends. Let anyone know who you think would appreciate it. And this is Mom's Exit interview. I'm your host and executive producer Kim rit. The show is produced by Henry Street Media. Jillian Grover edited this episode, and Eliza Friedlander is our editorial producer and publicist. I'll see you next time.